Just like Luke and Lorelai
by siss7
Summary: Rewrite: Jess grows up and moves on, but old habits die hard.
1. Since you've been gone

_**A/n- Well here is the first chapter of the rewrite. I want to flesh out my characters better this time around. Especially Amber. I always thought I did wrong by her. I hope you enjoy. I'm looking for a beta reader if anyone is interested. Reviews are coffee to the soul.**_

At eighteen, Jess Mariano decided it was time to stop smoking the day he woke up coughing and didn't stop until the afternoon. To keep his mind off smoking and reduce his stress, he started writing.

"You read everything, no reason not to attempt to write," Sasha, his father's girlfriend reasoned when he lived with them. She gave him a red notebook and told him to write what was on his mind. She hardly knew him but sensed that at eighteen, Jess had a lot to figure out. He was living with his father, who he had never met until just recently.

He spent his days working and his night's writing. He found it therapeutic. When he left Venice Beach to go back to New York, he took the red notebook with him. On the pages, he worked out his frustrations with his father and his mother.

Then he started writing something that was all his.

Through a stroke of good luck, Jess found Matt and Chris, owners of a small publishing house in Philadelphia. In addition to publishing his book, The Subsect, Matt and Chris offered Jess a job. The three guys became fast friends, living together in the brownstone on Locust Street.

Soon after moving, Truncheon Books wanted to expand, but none of them knew how to expand a business. So Jess was offered a chance to take a few classes at the community college and become a partner in the business. Jess agreed and became a one-third owner of Truncheon.

Three years later the guys moved out and had their apartments. They had two bookstore locations and a fourth one slated to open in the fall. The original Truncheon Books on Locust was the main office, and they referred to it as "headquarters". Jess was the manager of the bookstores. He also edited Truncheons 'zine. He also focused on his writing and was nearly finished a new novel.

Truncheon offered editing services and built a reputation as a place for students to come to have their term papers edited. They were even recommended by professors at a few of the local colleges. When the economy took a dump in 2008 that kept Truncheon alive. They also edited novels in all phases of writing. Sometimes the author would publish with Truncheon, and sometimes the author was offered a bigger publishing deal. Matt was the head editor and oversaw all of Truncheons editing, while Matt and Chris helped out with the editing, but for the most part, it was Matt's job.

The fourth addition to Truncheon was used exclusively for bigger art exhibits and hosting art shows for local artists and poetry reading for artists just looking to get their art out. Chris was in charge of the art gallery and acquisitions. He was an artist himself.

When he first moved to Philadelphia, there was no doubt Jess was still in love with Rory Gilmore, but she broke his heart for the final time after she kissed him and then confessed she was still in love with her boyfriend, Logan Huntzberger.

After he got over the heartache, he did the only thing he could and moved on with his life. He found Amber Silva. She had pale blue eyes and almond brown colored hair. Her father was from Argentina and she spoke fluent Spanish. She loved to read and had aspirations to teach. He didn't think it was possible to love again after Rory, but he did.

The first time they met, she sat behind him in his English Literature class and asked to borrow a pen. He took one look at her and asked for her phone number. Matt and Chris had been on him about not having a life outside of Truncheon and partly because Amber was extremely smart and beautiful and he was fascinated by her.

He didn't call her right away. He actually didn't call her until Matt and Chris found her phone number and dared him to do it. So he took her to a movie and for the next three years, they were nearly always by each other's side. He never told her that Matt and Chris had dared him to call her and felt that all this time later, would serve no purpose.

He didn't want to hurt her. He, in fact, loved Amber and tried to be the boyfriend he didn't know how to be at seventeen.

* * *

Rory lived a quiet life. When she graduated from Yale, she took a job working for Hugo Grey covering Obama's campaign. She traveled the country by bus, covering the campaign stops for the presidential hopeful. The night Obama was elected president she was in Chicago.

When she got home from Chicago, her boyfriend Ian Michaels had been offered a job in Baltimore with the Daily Record, a business journal based in Baltimore, so she followed him.

She wrote freelance for Hugo and other publications, but eventually she needed a more permanent job, any job would do. There was a small paper about an hour's drive from to Baltimore in Fredrick, Maryland that needed a part-time assistant JR reporter. It was the lowest of "entry level" jobs, but she took it because she had too. She still wrote for Hugo and worked on freelance and spec articles for bigger publications. Ian and Rory moved in together mostly because it was the cheapest thing to do.

Ian had been a friend on the bus to Rory. He shared his notes and her best friend Lane's knowledge of music. They also both had iron clad stomachs and a love of coffee and junk food that she had only shared with her mother. It was not long before they started sharing a bed.

He was unlike anyone she had ever met. He had grown up in Baltimore with a single mother. His father left when he was two. However, his mother had come from Roland Park and they lived with Ian's grandparents in a huge home built in the 1800's.

He went to private school his whole life until he was expelled his senior year for not revealing the source of a teacher having an affair with a student. He graduated from the public school and lost an opportunity to go to Columbia University. He ended up going to community college and eventually went to a state school, where he graduated.

When Lorelai met him, she declared him the perfect man for her daughter and that was all the approval Rory needed to go from liking the guy, to falling head over heels for him. When Ian out-ate both Rory and Lorelai during a movie night Lorelai declared him an honorary Gilmore.

Eventually, her Ivy League education paid off when the editor of the paper in Fredrick retired and she applied for the position. So she and Ian had a long talk and decided to move so that they would each be within a half hour of each other. So they moved to Lisbon, Maryland, which was smaller than Stars Hollow with slightly less eccentric characters.

She should have been happy. She had a guy she loved, who she thought she would settle down with. She ran a paper with decent circulation before she was twenty-five. At twenty-four, Rory's wanderlust and she dreamed of seeing the world.

Being offered the editors job still in her early twenties was a dream come true for Rory and she loved her job but she didn't get to write anymore

As the editor, she could have assigned herself articles to write. When her Features staff writer became came down sick with the flu, she had to find something to replace it, but she did not want it to be known that she had done the writing, instead she used a fake name on the byline: Emily Hayden.

The article about the death of Micheal Jackson was picked up by the AP. Suddenly Emily Hayden was getting a lot of attention. A few national papers had rejected Rory Gilmore, but Emily Hayden was not getting the same rejection. Eventually, she started getting offers to be a guest writer in several online magazines, including an up and coming 'zine based out of Philadelphia.


	2. The Graduate

A/n Reviews are coffee to the soul...I am my own editor...if you find a mistake and would like to help me correct it...please message me...because I am my own editor and like lawyers representing themselves, perhaps it means my editor is a fool. However, special shoutout to Iscah McKrae for answering my incessant grammar questions. She is wonderful.

"Wake up, graduate," Amber sang to Jess the morning of his graduation from Chestnut Hill College.

Jess grumbled.

"I made your favorite breakfast," she whispered into his ear and Jess opened his eyes.

"You didn't have to do that," he said sleepily.

"But I did," she said with a smile. "Have you ever tried to wake you up? It's the equivalent of moving a mountain, an act of congress and licking your elbow.

Jess laughed.

"Hurry up and eat and then I want dessert before we go," she said with a mischievous grin.

"Hey," he said grabbing her hand. "Come here."

She sat down as he put the plate on the night table, "Thank you," he said kissing her.

She smiled at him, "Your welcome."

"We're good right?" he asked.

"Jess we're fine. I'm not mad."

"You said that."

"I was," Amber admitted. "Hence, the yelling I did."

He looked at the bedspread and the carpet, unable to meet her eyes.

"You don't have to keep apologizing."

"I wasn't…"

"…You were." She pursed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at him.

Jess leaned in to capture her lips. "For the record," he said in a low, gravely tone, "this is how you kiss someone." He flipped her over to the other side of the bed while she squealed with laughter. He kissed her softly, slowly deepening the kiss.

"Dessert before breakfast?" she panted when they broke apart.

* * *

Rory pulled up to her apartment after seven. She'd had been a long day and was exhausted. She usually didn't have to work on Saturdays, but they were short staffed and she had work to catch up on.

"Hi, Sweetie," Ian called when she walked in the door. "Dinner is almost done. I made our Saturday usual. Pot Roast and…"

"Mashed potatoes…" she finished for him.

"Yep, your favorite. Oh and Lorelai called. She mentioned something about needing a dose of Rory…"

Rory didn't hear the rest of his sentence because she'd already walked back to her room, dialing the number before she closed the door. When Lorelai didn't pick up she left a message. Sighing, she changed out of her work clothes and hoped Ian had picked a good movie for the night.

"I got _The Perfect Man_ and _Simply Irresistible_." He said when she walked back into the kitchen. "I thought we could do a bad movie marathon."

"Sounds good sweetie," she sat down to eat dinner. "They're pretty bad, but I thought we already watched _Simply Irresistible_ when we did Rom/com night a few weeks ago."

"Did we?" Ian questioned. "Well, _Down To You_ is bad enough to constitute a marathon, don't you think."

"As long as you do the voices with me and not fall asleep."

"My mom and step-dad want us to come to dinner early next week," Ian said, changing the subject. "And Sanders says we are on for the game night."

"It's already the third Tuesday of the month?" She questioned.

"Well, time flies when you're having fun."

"Yep, fun," Rory echoed dully.

* * *

A corporate headhunter was talking about the importance of good grammar on a resume while Jess tried to stay awake. He wasn't sure how Amber talked him into a suit and tie. It was hot and the sun was beating down on his neck. He looked down at the yellow sash around his collar and smiled. He hadn't told anyone he was graduating with honors, he wanted it to be a surprise.

When Matt and Chris offered to pay for him to go to school he took the offer and took some business classes at the Community College. Eventually, to balance out his business classes with something more interesting, he took a literature class and then another and another. He didn't intend on getting a degree of any kind.

Suddenly, he ran out of classes to take at the community college and was accepted to Chestnut Hill. Before he knew it, he was getting a letter from the University demanding that he "pick a major". He chose English Literature and Business. Matt and Chris kept their promise to him and reimbursed him for classes that were directly related to Truncheon. For the rest of his tuition, he applied for scholarships.

"Apparently, when you have decent grades, they will pay you to go to school," Jess shrugged when he was awarded a partial scholarship.

Today, the kid who at eighteen had been kicked out of high school for cutting one too many classes was graduating with an honors degree in English and Business.

"How do you like me now Mertin?" he said to himself as he accepted his degree and walked off stage. In the audience were Matt and his girlfriend, Chris, an old friend from New York, his mother Liz and his Uncle Luke.

"I knew you had it in you," Luke hugged him when the ceremony was over.

* * *

Ian fell asleep before ten, as he did most nights. Rory ended up scrolling through jobs online and landed on a job board looking at an opening with The Baltimore Sun. It was perfect! She had the experience they were looking for. It wasn't an entry level position and she even had a contact there.

"Ian…." She said shaking him awake. "The Baltimore Sun is hiring a reporter. I'm going to apply."

"Okay sweetie," he said, yawning and falling back asleep. "Whatever makes you happy."

She spent the rest of the night updating her resume, sifting throw sample articles she'd written, carefully picking the best ones and messaging her references. She fell asleep around one in the morning after excitedly pressing send.

* * *

Liz insisted on throwing him a party for his graduation- _he just rolled his eyes_.

"Just come to the graduation and we can go out after," he said on the phone to Liz one night before the ceremony.

Jess, please let me do this for you," she pleaded.

"Liz, no, I'm already walking," he said stubbornly.

"Only because your girlfriend twisted your arm.l"

He ignored the phone when his stepfather called.

 _"I know she roped you into this, and I haven't changed my mind,"_ he told TJ in a text message.

The low point was when Doula, his little sister of barely three called

"Jess pweeassee let mommy have a party for you," the little girl said.

"I'll think about it sweetheart," he said slowly beginning to crack under the pressure of Doula's cuteness.

However, in the end, it was Luke who used good old-fashioned reasoning and guilt for him to relent.

"After all this time, I can't believe you won't give your mother the pleasure of throwing you a party for graduating college. I don't care that you are part owner of a business and a published writer, this, Jess, is your greatest accomplishment and you should be damn proud of yourself. And if you won't be, then I will," Luke ranted over the phone.

"Luke..." he tried interrupting him.

"If you're not going to let your mother throw you a party, then I am going to have to hear all about it," Luke continued not letting Jess get a word in, "and you know how much I love that!"

"Hand the phone to Liz," Jess relented.

"Fine, throw the damn party," he said in defeat, ignoring the cheers from his mother. "But I don't want any of your crazy friends or townspeople, just family."

"Oh Jess, honey, I am so proud of you and I promise it won't be a big deal," his mother gushed.

"I wish I believed that," he said.

"And I want to meet that girl," Jess could hear Luke in the background.


	3. Shot Gun Wedding

A/n Happy Holidays...reviews are coffee to the soul. I'm still my own beta and still a fool...

Lorelai had news; big news, huge news and she wanted Rory to hear it first. She and Luke were getting married. When mother and daughter were able to connect, Rory immediately packed her bag. She and Ian drove to Stars Hollow. When reunited, they ran screaming and jumping up and down into each other's arms. They guys were an after thought as Lorelai showed off the ring. Then she made Luke re-enact the engagement.

"I am not going to ask you again," Luke protested. Lorelai gave him a look that made him think twice. "Well I need the ring," he said.

Luke took the ring and disappeared. When he was gone Lorelai explained just before they were leaving to go to dinner, Luke insisted that a pair of earrings Liz gave her would look good with her outfit.

"Very un-Luke thing to say," Rory said.

"Exactly! So I walk upstairs," Lorelai said starting to walk upstairs. "And into my room where I keep my jewelry," Lorelai paused for dramatic effect. "And there in my jewelry box was a beautiful diamond ring. It must have materialized while I was away. So I pick it up, and out of nowhere, Luke appeared all knight-in-shining-armor like."

"I was waiting in the bathroom," Luke said.

"And he gets down on one knee," Lorelai said as Luke got into place.

"Lorelai I love you and want to spend the rest of my life making you happy," Luke said for the benefit of the crowd watching.

"Why of course I will marry you," Lorelai said feigning surprise and putting the ring back on her finger and taking a bow as Rory n clapped at the performance.

Luke pulled her into a kiss "I will ask you as many times as you keep saying yes."

"Oh Luke you old softy," Rory said beaming at her mother.

When they were in the living room, Lorelai got on her knee in front of Rory. "Darling daughter, please do me the honor of being my maid of honor," Lorelai said putting a candy ring on Rory's hand.

"For me! Of course mom!" Rory said giving her mom a hug.

* * *

After dinner, the group went to surprise Sookie and Jackson for another re-enactment and for Lorelai to ask her to be a bridesmaid.

"You guys should do it here," Sookie said referring to the new property she and Jackson just purchased. It was 5 acres of farmland with 2-story colonial style home and a huge kitchen.

"Is that a serious offer?" Lorelai asked taken aback.

"Absolute and I will cater and bake the cake, "Sookie offered." Anything to get you two hitched as soon as possible.

"Oh, Sookie that…yes," Lorelai declared as tears came to her eyes. "That is such a generous offer," Lorelai said hugging her friend and Jackson after Luke gave her a nod of approval that he was on board.

"One condition. No waiting. Do it as soon as possible" Sookie demanded.

"How about July 18th?" Luke suggested.

Rory, Lorelai, and Sookie all gawked at Luke.

"That soon?" Lorelai finally said.

"Yes, that soon."

"We have two months," Rory said looking at a calendar. "Almost to the day."

"Well, what are we all standing around for? We have a wedding to plan," Lorelai declared.

"I'll make the coffee," Sookie offered. "And brownies. Lot's of brownies, we'll need our energy."

Leading up to the wedding, mother and daughter were in full organization and planning mode.

"Mom this date is leaving us with very little time to plan the wedding," Rory told her mom on the phone.

"It's going to be the shotgun wedding of the century," Lorelai announced.

"Mom, that's not what that means."

"In this case it does!" Lorelai declared. "I want to be down the aisle with a ring on my finger whether I'm knocked up or not."

"Are you happy?" Rory asked abruptly.

"I'm floating kid. Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Rory answered, sharper than she intended.

"Rory," Lorelai said calmly. "You are not fine."

"We have a wedding to plan."

"The wedding can wait. Not all is right in Whoville," Lorelai's motherly instinct kicked in. "What's up Cindy Lou Who?"

Rory sighed, she wasn't getting out of talking to her mother and she really did need to talk to someone. "The other night, when we were leaving Stars Hollow, I was so happy for you and Luke and I wanted to share in that happiness with Ian. He was tired and didn't want to talk. He complained about the five-hour drive. So I got to thinking, is this as good as it gets? Am I destined to work a mediocre job and marry Ian and have junk food and bad movie marathons the rest of my life?"

"That doesn't sound like a bad thing…"

"You would think. I guess there is more to it. I feel like we are just doing what we are supposed to do. Ian is a great guy and I love him, but when I see you and Luke, I want that, I want a man who would ask me to marry him as many time as I requested. I don't need a fairytale, I just want more."

"Rory, it took a long time for Luke and me to get where we are now. It wasn't easy, and there was no castle. Maybe a fire-breathing dragon and a wicked witch, but no castle."

"It was a long road for you guys, but you made it work."

"That long and twisty yellow brick road is a part of our story. We were able to get back together and start a life again because we both wanted to make it work. I've hurt him and he's hurt me, but we forgave each other and we both know what we have, we could never have with anyone else."

Rory was silent on the other end of the line.

"What're you thinking?"

"I guess I'm just wondering if Ian would fight for us. Has he noticed this thing between?"

"I can't answer any of that. Only Ian can."

"What if he isn't? What if he is happily stuck where we are and won't make any changes?"

"Then Kid, you have to pick yourself up and find someone who would go to the ends of the earth for you."

* * *

The wedding fell into place quickly. Rory was going to wear a red dress that would compliment the bouquet of yellow sunflowers she was going to carry. Luke and the guys were going to wear tan suits and red ties with yellow boutonnieres. April would wear a yellow and red dress and carry red flowers.

Lorelai did not want to wear the dress she found the first time.

"It was so perfect, but so not the dress," Lorelai declared to Rory over the phone.

She and Rory went shopping, and Lorelai found a simple A-line dress that Rory swore Lorelai was floating in when she put it on.

"Mom I'm not sure how this is possible, but you are beaming in that dress." Rory declared and the tears in Lorelai's eyes confirmed the sentiment.

They would get married under the chuppah that Luke made. When Lorelai called Mia, the woman that had taken Lorelai and Rory in all those years ago at the Independence Inn, she offered to officiate the wedding.

"I can't imagine it any other way," Rory said.

"It's going to happen this time," Lorelai beamed.


	4. Rebound girl

A/N I still have a fool for an editor...reviews are coffee to the soul either way.

"You're not going to talk to me the entire way there?" Jess asked as they drove to Connecticut.

Amber just continued to stare out the window.

"Fine," he said, turning up the radio.

"Do you honestly expect me to be okay after last night," she asked turning down the music a few minutes later.

"I said we were wrong."

"You're unbelievable!" she screeched. " _el estúpido_ ," Amber exclaimed in Spanish, as she often did when she was angry.

 _"_ _Gilipollas,"_ she muttered under her breath,

"Hey, I don't see any saints in this car. I have a few mistakes I could throw in your face."

" _That_ wasn't a mistake," she yelled. "Matt and Chris knew what they were doing, and YOU went along with it. Like it was some joke."

"A joke? We've been together for three years," Jess retorted.

"Is that supposed to make it better? Or is it some consolation prize?"

Jess didn't say anything as he pulled off the freeway and parked the car at a gas station. Turning to her as he shut the engine off, "We were idiots, okay."

"I know."

"But I did call you, and we did go on a date. I remember our first date was kinda awesome," Jess reminded her as she softened her stance. "Maybe I should have mentioned it. But was the point? To avoid the argument, we are having right now?"

"What about not making me look like a moron in front of our friends?' That would work too."

"I'm sorry. Matt isn't known for discretion when he's had a few."

"I know he isn't," she closed her eyes for a minute and sighed. "Can we go? Get your mothers celebration out of the way. We can talk later."

He half-smiled at her and internally breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes, we can get this over with."

He tried to apologize again, "Don't do it, Mariano. I don't want to hear it."

* * *

When they finally parked the car at Liz's, Luke was behind the grill with TJ, who was making some ridiculous point about Hot Dogs being the best food item ever invented. Doula ran out of the house with her mother following closely behind.

"JESS," The little girl squealed into her brother's arms as Jess picked her up and tossed her in the air. Luke and TJ stopped their conversation to greet the guest of honor. Doula pulled on his hand to lead him inside.

Liz, TJ, Luke, and Jess' cousin April greeted them. To his chagrin, Liz invited her friends from Renaissance fair, Miss. Patty, Babette, Kirk and his girlfriend and the last person Jess thought he would see, Taylor Doose.

"What happened to just family?" Jess asked, not surprised his mother did exactly what he thought she would do.

"They want to celebrate with you," Liz answered.

"We are leaving as soon as I can get us out of here," he whispered in Amber's ear, squeezing her hand.

Jess felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Jess," came a familiar voice.

"Lorelai?"

"You look great, congratulations," she beamed at him.

"Thank you," he said with a plastered on smile he had been using since he walked in the door.

"You want to cause bodily harm to your mother don't you?" Lorelai asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I…well."

"It's okay; I don't blame you. You should know she hasn't stopped talking about how proud she is of you," Lorelai continued as if she was in a race to say the most words in one minute.

"Hi, I'm Amber," Amber said walking up to Jess and Lorelai.

"Oh hi, you must be the new girlfriend. I'm Lorelai Gilmore, Luke's girlfriend…fiancé," Lorelai corrected.

"Oh good, you met Lorelai," Luke said, walking up behind Lorelai.

"It's nice to meet you," Amber said. "Did you say, fiancé?" Amber asked, noticing the ring on Lorelai's ring finger.

"You told him?" Luke said. "I was going to tell Jess."

"She guessed," Lorelai said to him.

"And I see the diamond on her finger," Amber pointed out.

"That's great Luke. You're gonna make it stick this time?" Jess asked.

"Good, because I want you to be my best man."

"I will happily by your best man," Jess answered.

"Keep July open," Lorelai said. "It's happening if I have to drag him down the aisle!"

"So again with the engagement?" Liz asked at the end of the night after everyone left. The two women sat on the back patio with a bottle of wine between them.

Yep, we're going for round two of the engagement," Lorelai smiled looking at the ring on her finger.

"Good, because you make him happy," Liz gushed. "How are the wedding plans coming?" Liz asked.

"They are coming along," Lorelai answered.

"Hey, how is Rory doing, " Liz asked. Out of the corner of her eye, Amber and April walked into the backyard.

You two should join us," Liz said pouring wine for Amber.

"I would love one, thank you." she said sitting in an empty seat next to Liz.

"She's doing okay. She's helping me with the wedding." Lorelai answered and then turned her attention to Amber, "So, how long have you and Jess been a thing?" Lorelai asked.

"Three years in June."

"Wow, that's a long time."

"It is."

"You know, Jess is such a different person these days, I think it's because of you," Liz said, taking a sip of her wine.

"I haven't done anything special," Amber said.

"Yeah, he speaks in full sentences now," Lorelai said, and the three women laughed.

"Not always, when he gets going on writing something new, he can be monosyllabic and moody."

"Who knew Jess would end up as Spike from Buffy?" Lorelai said. "Rory finally admitted to me that he was the one who helped her get back you Yale."

"Your daughter?" Amber asked.

"Rory," Lorelai nodded.

"She was at the first open house for Truncheon," April interjected. "I'm sure you met her there."

"Oh. Right her," Amber tried very hard not to choke on the last of her wine. Lorelai saw the change in mood and mentioned she and Luke had to be going.

* * *

"You're quiet," he said in the car on the car ride to New York.

"Lorelai Gilmore is the mother of Rory Gilmore?" Amber asked Jess point blank.

"Jess shifted in his seat to look at her and narrowed his eyes.

"Yes, she is."

"The last time you saw Rory was when?" Amber asked.

"At the open house," Jess paused for a minute.

"What happened at the opening, Jess?" She said, growing angrier by the moment.

"I showed her around Truncheon."

"And?"

"And what?

"Something happened between you two."

"You know what happened."

"You have told me that story, but not about how you "helped her get back to school." Amber air quoted.

"What's your point?"

"You were still hung up on her. You saw her in April, and you called me for our first date three weeks later. It all makes sense now. Matt and Chris dared you to call me so you could get your mind off of Rory. They were sick of you moping. I was the rebound girl."

"That's ridiculous!"

"It is?" she turned to look at him. "Tell me I'm wrong."

Jess said nothing, trying to form an explanation.

"You can't even deny it."

"You have never been a rebound," Jess finally exclaimed.

"Whatever, I want to go home."

"Amber, we have non-refundable reservations in New York."

"I want to go home," She repeated evenly.


	5. Inbox

A/n I'm still a fool...special thanks to Iscah McKrae because she is wonderful.

May 27, 2009

Lorelai and Rory's exchanges were reduced to text messages as the wedding drew nearer.

Lorelai: Hey kid, invites are done, we will send them out this weekend when you come up. Love you lots and lots.

Rory: It will just be me this weekend. Ian's had a long week. See you Friday. My plane gets in at 6 pm. Oh, and get stamps.

Lorelai: How many times has mommy told you not to get in town just in time for Friday night dinner? The grandparents are looking forward to seeing you now. Tell Grumpy we will miss him.

* * *

June 1

Momentarily forgetting his Uncle's ineptitude when technology was involved Jess sent him a quick text.

Jess: Hey, call me when you get this. Do I need to make plans for the bachelor party? Mud wrestling anyone? Laps are allusions…good times.

Luke: Hey Jess, Lorelai here, still teaching Luke to text, I'm hoping he picks it up as fast as he did speed dial. He says do not invite TJ. Let's just get a beer before the wedding and call it a bachelor party…I'll throw you in the mud for good measure. Not sure I want to know about the mud. Oh and he'll call you later.

* * *

June 3

Lorelai: Big new! Huge News! CALL ME

Rory: Sorry long boring meeting. I will call you tonight.

Lorelai: This can't wait. I just got off the phone Sookie and Jackson. We are changing the venue to…you will never guess The Independence Wedding Chapel. Long, long, long story short, Mia's nephew bought the place and renovated it. He offered it to me for their soft opening. We are doing this. I can't think of a reason not to…where it all began.

Rory: There is no place else you should get married...but we need more stamps now...I'll call you tonight at the regular time.

* * *

June 7

Jess stared at his phone contemplating the response he was likely to get but pressed send anyway.

Jess: Hey, let's have lunch.

Amber: Can't. Working…

Jess: Tonight?

Amber: Maybe.

Jess: Are ever going to stop punishing me?

Jess knew better than to wait around for her to respond. He considered the conversation a victory because at least she was speaking to him again.

* * *

June 8

Rory: Okay, my turn for a big huge massive life changing news.

Lorelai: Call you tonight, unless it can't wait…Are you going to be Queen?

Rory: The band or that lady in England? I have a job interview on Tuesday in Baltimore for a Sr. Staff writer. I get the pick of stories including foreign affairs.

Lorelai: Call me tonight so I can tell you how proud I am.

* * *

June 9

Lorelai: Would you ask me in a bar?

Lorelai: In a car?

Lorelai: Would you travel near or far?

Luke: I would ask you anywhere...Can you end this bit now? Or at least stop asking in rhyme?

Lorelai: Why? I haven't gotten to the dirty version yet...

* * *

June 10

Rory: Keep fingers and toes crossed. I'm about to go in.

Lorelai: I will be a pretzel until I find out. Everything is crossed...except my legs...A Gilmore never does that...

* * *

June 11

Jess: Hey Luke, I have been trying to get a hold of you for a few days. Can you call me? Don't if you're busy.

Luke: Hey sorry I have been missing you. Lorelai showed me how to work this thing. I'm busy but I will call tonight around 9.

Jess: I just sent an email. Talk this evening.

* * *

June 13

Jess: Dinner?

Amber: I have applications to fill out.

Jess: It's our anniversary...

Amber: so?

* * *

June 15

Lorelai: I can see the wedding bells from here. Love you and your nice butt.

Luke: Me and my nice butt can't wait.

Lorelai: bet you're glad you didn't have to get Lane to type your reply this time.

* * *

June 18

Jess: Sorry I didn't take your call. Hope you got my email. Amber wanted to go out.

Luke: I got your email and while I agree with you. Just remember that's how she feels. Maybe, she is irrational. But it does matter. Remember Philip and Judy? Open two-way communication and all that Jazz.

Jess: Thanks Oprah

Luke: You know what I meant.

Jess: Yeah, I do.

* * *

June 20

Rory: I GOT THE JOB! I have to tell Ian tonight. I will call you after.

Lorelai: congrats Hun. Talk soon.

Lorelai: Rory? How'd it go?

* * *

June 21

Lorelai: I never heard from you. How did it go with Ian?

Lorelai: Rory?

Lorelai: Rory?

Lorelai: I'm getting worried.

Lorelai: Talk kid. Radio silence worries me.


	6. Confessions and breakups

A/n Still a fool...reviews are coffee to the soul...

Mom," Rory said not even trying to hide that she was crying.

"What's wrong," Lorelai asked relieved to hear Rory's voice. "I've been trying to get a hold of all day."

"Ian and I broke up," Rory said, her voice small.

"What's wrong,' Luke mumbled when Lorelai gasped and got out of bed.

"I'll tell you in the morning, go back to sleep," Lorelai said to Luke. "What happened?"

"Ian applied for a job in Chicago," Rory started. "And he didn't tell me about it.

"And..." Lorelai said hoping this wasn't going where she thought it was.

"And when I told him about my job offer he said he wanted to move to Chicago."

"You're kidding?"

"Then I told him that I didn't want to move to Chicago because my family is here and I'm already too far away from them. Then tried to argue that his career would bring us more money than mine ever would."

"He said that?"

"Those were his exact words. I think he realized he was a jerk and had the nerve to ask me to marry him. So I walked out and told him he didn't know me at all."

"Good, where are you now?

"I couldn't stay, so I rented a hotel room for the night," she paused for a moment. "I guess I'm moving to Baltimore.

"It sounds like it to me."

"I got my answer. He won't go to the ends of the earth for me."

"And he won't find someone more worth going to the ends of the earth for," Lorelai paused for a moment. "Do you want me to come to you tonight. I can bring you home with me so you can wallow."

"I don't have time to wallow. I have to accept the job offer and put in my notice," Rory said, no longer crying. "And I need to find a new apartment."

"I think you should still come home," Lorelai insisted. "Do all that, but you still need to wallow."

"I know the importance of wallowing," Rory promised.

"Rory," Lorelai said before they hung up. "I'm proud of you kid."

"Thanks, mom. I'll be home over the weekend."

* * *

For the first time in nearly five years, Jess picked up a Cigarette, but even the tobacco couldn't mask the sensation in the pit of his stomach that knew it was over. Which for some reason annoyed Amber and served as another reason she was upset with him.

Amber eventually did say more than three words to Jess that didn't include some form of "Fuck you," or "Screw you."

Anything and everything they had ever disagreed about came up again. Issues they had resolved, were still fair game. Jess could do nothing to make her happy.

"I did nothing wrong. All of this was before you," Jess said in frustration. During dinner, their discussion began over plans for the weekend but somehow ended in an argument.

"But I was the rebound girl this whole time."

"Unbelievable. Are you trying to pick a fight? Because it seems like you wanted to pick a fight for no other reason than to pick a fight."

Amber glared at him, slammed her fork on the table and then walked out the door.

* * *

Amber and her friend Amanda Allen otherwise known as Mandy were eating lunch the next afternoon. She was visiting from New York. She also dated Chris off and on. Currently, they were more on then off, and Mandy was driving back and forth from New York to Philly almost every weekend.

"It shouldn't bother me," Amber admitted.

"It was a terrible kiss," Mandy said. "We were thirteen."

"I know," she stared at her salad as tears came to her eyes.

"What?" Mandy asked filled with concern. She knew Amber from high school. They connected through the same network of friends at the private high school for the arts they attended. Mandy was a talented painter and Amber played the flute. Even though they lived in different cities and were two years apart, they had forged a friendship. As they grew older, they discovered they had one other thing common: Jess Mariano.

Mandy and Jess grew up in the same neighborhood. They had been in the same classes up until eighth grade when Mandy was accepted to the charter school. They lost touch when he moved to Stars Hollow. During college, Mandy went to NYU on a partial scholarship for her painting. She graduated with a degree in marketing and minored in studio art. During sophomore year of college, she ran into Jess, and they reconnected.

When Jess and Amber started dating, they realized very quickly they had a friend in common.

"I'm a terrible person. I've been awful. I know I've been grasping at straws. Trying to find a reason to be mad at him…" Amber trailed off. " I don't even know how it happened."

"What? What happened? I need more information."

"I cheated on Jess," she blurted out. "I cheated on him a year into our relationship and when I found out about you and him, I figured we were even. Then Matt opened his big mouth. At the same time, I find out about that other girl and how quickly Jess asked me out after she trampled on him. it was easier to be mad him and jealous of her than face what I did."

Mandy sat in shock of her friend's confession, "Jess deserves to know."

* * *

"So," Matt asked the next day. "Are you still in the dog house?"

"Doghouse?" Chris echoed. "The way I hear it, he's sleeping next to the dog house."

Jess rolled his eyes and ignored his friends.

You owe this to him," the front door opened and in walked Amber and Mandy.

The girls stopped when they saw Jess. He shifted his eyes, so he was looking at his computer.

"Can I talk to you privately?" Amber asked.

"I'm working," he answered.

"This is important," her voice cracked.

"Fine," Jess pursed his lips together, "We can go to my office."

They were only in his office for a few minutes before the explosion of anger came. Jess slammed the door and stormed downstairs.

"I can be reached at home," he said to Matt and Chris.

"Jess?"

"Don't even try," he said in a low growl.

"Please?" she pleaded. "I love you."

"That's funny coming from you," he said and left.


	7. Concussion

A/n do not assume I'm going to make it that easy for Jess and Rory this time around...

Two weeks before Luke and Lorelai's wedding, Jess was abnormally busy with work and didn't have time to deal with his crumbling relationship. He was too angry to talk to her, so he ignored Amber, for now.

His new book was given an October 1st release date, and Truncheon Books was planning a launch party. Furthermore, they had decided they were going to hire a new publicist to help promote the book. A friend from New York recommended someone named John McMillian or Mac as he liked to be called. The man was connected to the literary world, and when he read the first draft of Jess' book, he promised that if they hired him, he would put his book in the hands of the right people, but he came at an enormous cost for Truncheon.

"If we're still going with the new store, we can't afford Mac," Jess said at their weekly meeting.

"We've already signed a lease," Jess reminded them. "Getting out is going to cost a lot more."

"We could take out another loan on the house?" Matt suggested.

"No!" Chris and Jess said at the same time.

"We can't take out a second on this place," Chris continued. "We don't have as much for collateral."

"And we have more employees who rely on if we fail," Jess pointed out.

"What about the 'zine?" Chris suggested. "Other than laying off employees or not using Mac, I think it's our only other option."

"I don't think we have a choice," Matt finally spoke up, and they all fell silent again.

"We should do a farewell issue," Jess finally said.

"We should go out with a bang, though," Chris nodded, and the guys agreed.

"Could you get Emily Hayden?" Matt suggested. "I loved her recent article on Salon."

"I can try, I did find out that Emily Hayden is a pen name, so who knows who this person is," Jess said.

After the meeting was over, Jess got ready to leave for the night.

"We should hit that new bar on Spruce," Matt suggested.

"I can't," Chris yawned. "I'm meeting up with Amber from the south store to put up the displays before the monthly poetry reading night."

Matt and Jess left Chris, saying they would see him in the morning and headed to the bar.

* * *

Matt and Jess were three beers in when Matt's phone rang.

"Okay," Matt said, growing very serious. "We'll be there…Mercy…okay…" he hung up the phone. "We need to go. Chris fell off a ladder and is in the emergency room."

Jess quickly paid their tab while Matt went to get them a cab.

"Is he okay?" Matt asked when they saw most of Chris' extended family in the waiting room, along with Amber who had driven him to the emergency room.

"We are still waiting to hear from the doctor," Chris' Aunt Jenny answered.

"I think your dad is here," Amber said to Matt. "When we came in he started shouting orders.

"Has anyone called Mandy," Jess asked, ignoring Amber.

"She's been calling for updates," Amber started. "She's trying to get on the train, but it might not be until the morning. Also, I called in the Healy brothers to work extra shifts today at the south store, so no one has overtime for the event tonight," Amber continued.

As she described the accident to Matt, Jess could see that she was shaken and scarred for her friend. He wanted to hold her and tell her he would be okay and that he was lucky she was there. He also knew that under normal circumstances, he would have been at the store with Chris and Amber.

Matt and Jess exchanged a look, "Thanks, Amber," Matt said

Instead, Jess couldn't even look her and took great care to sit as far away from her as possible.

For the next hour or so, Mandy called every ten minutes. When Dr. Peterson, otherwise known as Matt's dad, came out to talk to the family.

"Right now he's resting comfortable. He has a minor concussion. We're going to keep him over night for observation but otherwise he is going to be okay. Right now, it's late, and I would like him to rest, but you can see him in the morning."

Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief and got ready to leave. Dr. Peterson stopped Matt.

"Have you been drinking?" He asked his son.

"Uh, we were at the bar before when we called," Matt answered sheepishly.

"Did you drive here?" Dr. Peterson glared at his son.

"We took a cab."

"I don't mind driving you guys home," Amber suggested.

"Don't worry about it," Jess said flatly.

"Fine, do whatever you want. I just thought you wouldn't want to pay for a cab on a Friday night," Amber reasoned and turned to walk away.

"Trudy is down the street," Matt said of his girlfriend.

Jess pursed his lips together, "Okay fine," he sighed.

Amber's most enduring and annoying attribute was that she was always right and she could reason with Jess and talk him into doing just about anything. Even in his moment when her mere presence made him sick to his stomach, and he could barely look at her.

Amber dropped Jess off first and got on the freeway towards his apartment in Fish Town.

"Mandy is scared," she said, picking a safe topic.

"I'm sure she is," He answered. "What time does her train get here in the morning?"

"I think it gets in at 7:30."

"Okay."

"I can pick either of you up," she said when she pulled into his parking spot.

"No, it's fine."

"Jess come on, let me help. I don't mind picking Mandy up."

"I have it under control," he spat out with a clenched jaw

"So is this how it's gonna go?" She turned to look at him when the car was parked. "You're not going to forgive me and just shut me out? Is that all I mean to you?"

"You slept with someone else. I should ask you the same question."

"And I was a bet for you and your friends so you could get over your ex."

"That you used against me to make yourself feel better," he nearly shouted. "You lied to me for two years."

"And you lied to me from the beginning."

"Who was it?" He asked.

Tears came to her eyes, "Sam," she said in a small voice. "Before he quite."

"The one who stole from us? They guy you and Mandy swore to me, and Matt and Chris was a decent guy?" he shouted. "That's fucking fantastic!"

She flinched at his shouting, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," she sobbed. "I love…"

"Don't say it," he said bitterly. "Because I don't believe you right now."

"It was a mistake," she sobbed.

"I don't care," he turned to get out of the car.

"Please don't go," she begged. "Just stay here," she was hysterical crying. "Please Jess, please don't go."

He closed his eyes, he couldn't stand to see her so upset, "come inside, and we can talk," he said with a relenting sigh.


	8. Running and bond fire's

A/n I still have a fool for a beta...still looking if anyone is interested...I hope you enjoy this chapter reviews and likes are coffee to the soul.

"We were KIDS!" Jess exclaimed Saturday morning.

"And It happened two years ago! So the passage of time excuses one thing, but not the other?"

Yes! Because when I kissed Mandy, I wasn't with you or anyone else, so no one else was automatically entitled to know about it...ever."

"Omission is still a lie. So you lying to me about it was absolutely fine I suppose? I was still a dare and the girl you used to get over her."

"No, I shouldn't have lied, but we've had his argument. I should've either told you or found a diplomatic way of changing the subject or saying it was something I didn't want to share."

"I've been faithful to you since that day. I've loved you and supported you."

"It's not enough," he said.

'What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means…I don't know…" Jess answered.

"I'm gonna go," she said getting her purse and trying not to burst into tears until she was out of the apartment.

* * *

Jess sat in Chris' living room Sunday night while Mandy said her goodbyes to Chris. She had to be in New York on Monday for work. Jess volunteered to drive her home.

"Ready?" she asked, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Let's go," he said picking up his bag.

Chris was scheduled to meet with an author in New York Monday morning, but since he was hurt and unable to travel, Jess took his place. He still planned to go to Stars Hollow for Luke and Lorelai's wedding.

"He's going to be fine," Jess assured her when they got to his car.

"Wait," Amber said, catching up to them. "You can't leave without saying good-bye."

"We'll talk when I get home."

"Promise?" she questioned.

"I promise," he answered.

Mandy walked ahead and lit a cigarette. "You're running," she said when Amber was out of earshot.

"I'm not running."

"Chris could have rescheduled."

"We've had this planned for weeks…" Jess trailed off and started the car. "Okay, I'm running.

"Why?"

Jess turned the car on and pulled out of the parking space "…Because…just because."

"Jess?" Mandy said. "Don't pull that shit with me."

Jess gripped the steering wheel.

"I know what happened Friday night."

He glanced at her sideways. "How?"

"I'm not stupid," she said. "No judgment from me. But I do need to say this, and I promise I won't ever bring it up again."

Jess pursed his lips together.

"Neither of you are innocent. It doesn't matter who did what when. She feels just as betrayed as you do…"

"Betrayed? Really? She slept with that idiot…"

"I know what happened. I've also walked in on my boyfriend with someone else," Mandy snapped. "So I know better than anyone how you feel at this moment.

She stubbed at out her cigarette and lit another.

"It comes down to one question."

"Are you going to make me guess?" He asked.

"Do you want to make your relationship work with Amber?"

Jess gripped the steering wheel and didn't say another word the entire drive to New York.

Later that night Jess walked up to the roof of Mandy's building to find her already there. The city lights lit the sky.

"Hey," he said lighting a cigarette.

"Hey," she answered.

"Are you crying?" he asked.

She looked up at him, eyes puffy and nose red.

"Okay, dumb question."

"I can't do this," she blurted out. "I can't do this long distance thing with Chris."

"Oh," he said, sitting down next to her.

"He was supposed to be here this week …I was so worried about him. I'm not built for long distance."

"If you break up with him, let him down…"

"I don't want to break up with him," she interrupted. "I've been looking for a job in Philadelphia, he's tied so deeply to Philly, I can't ask him to leave."

"You're going to give up this apartment, though? And your job? I thought you were working on the super bowl commercial?"

"I am, but this…what I feel right now. The absolute dread I felt on Friday when Amber called me," she paused. "No million dollar ad or career is worth it."

Jess sighed, "You want to make it work with Chris," he stated.

 _"With Chris_ is the most important part," she said, stubbing out her cigarette and leaving him on the roof, with sounds of the city below.

* * *

"So you got the apartment?" Lorelai said over the phone.

"I did," Rory answered. "I'm moved in enough to be comfortable. My last day is Wednesday, and I will start my new job Monday after the wedding."

"Sounds good hon."

"Yeah," Rory said. "I guess."

"What wrong? You don't sound happy."

"I just have a lot to do. Ian left me to clean our place and deal with the land."

"Is he going for jerk of the year? Because let me tell you, he has my vote."

"Oh he's got mine too," Rory said, trying not to let her tears fall.

"It's okay to be heartbroken. I know you loved him, even if it didn't last, that doesn't make the time you had to together insignificant."

"Yeah, I'll remember that when I clean the place and figure out what to do with everything he left here for me to deal with."

"I can come help."

"Mom you have a wedding to worry about, I'll take care of it. I'll do the best I can and then have someone do the last cleaning before we go."

"Everything is done. I have the final fitting for my dress tomorrow, and then I will come and help you. You shouldn't have to do this alone, and I want to come,"

Rory sighed. "Okay," her words hitched as tears stung her eyes.

"I'll leave tomorrow around noon, and we can have dinner. Perhaps a bond fire of the stuff he left would be cathartic?"

Rory laughed, "It might."

"Get marshmallows and chocolate, and I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

Jess stayed in New York with Mandy and met with the new author. On Wednesday, he drove into Stars and took Luke out for what Luke considered his bachelor party.

"No Amber?" Luke asked.

"I don't think so," Jess said shifting in his chair. He filled Luke in on the events of the last month.

"So what are you going to do?" Luke asked.

"I don't know."

"I guess it would be easier if I didn't love her. I could walk away, it's just easier said than done…we proved that the other night."

"But do you want to?"

"I don't know. I go from being angry and upset to missing her. She lied to me for two years. Maybe I have some blame, but she…"

"Jess," Luke interrupted "What you and Amber are going through isn't about how much you love each other. It's about making your relationship work even under the worst of circumstances, and finding a way to do it together. It may require you both to forgive one another more than once."

Jess looked at his uncle remembering how broken he was when Lorelai cheated on him with Christopher. " I needed to forgive Lorelai for cheating, but she had to forgive me for my mistakes. It took us awhile and it wasn't easy, but it was important enough for the both of us because we agreed that we were better together."

"You aren't the first person who said something like that."

"But you need to decide what you want first."

* * *

Rory watched as a picture of her and Ian burned in the fire. It had been taken the day before election day in 2008. He had his arm drapped around casualy They looked happy.

"I needed this," she said to Lorelai.

"You're going to find someone who will pick you over a career," Lorelai put her around her daughter and Rory leaned her head on her mom's shoulder.

"I know," she said, wiping a tear from her eye. "It just feels real. He's really gone and it's really the end of something."

"Or maybe a beginning."


	9. Worst Best Man

A/n I still have a fool for an editor...but reviews are coffee to my soul...enjoy...next up is the wedding and I have been DYING to get my hands on that chapter again. It's practically the reason I did the rewrite.

For the rest of the week, Jess worked from Luke's apartment in Stars Hollow.

Late Thursday, just before the rehearsal dinner, he got a panicked call from Matt. In a last minute check of the manuscript, he found some plot holes that needed to be fixed.

"This has to be done before Tuesday or we won't have it before the release."

"I'll do what I can," Jess said, scrolling through the copy of his novel he had on his computer.

"Where are you in finding Emily Hayden?" Matt asked.

"Nowhere. It's a fake name. I've been emailing any editor who she has written for, for information with no response."

"Well, we need an answer from somewhere because that edition needs to ready to go to the printers soon."

"I will do what I can, but I'm at a wedding," he reminded them.

He was happy to have the distraction to keep his mind off Amber. Jess worked most of the night and into the day. By the time the sun was ready to come up, he had a plan for finding Emily Hayden and was almost finished with the rewriting.

"Jess, come on put the computer down, we need to get this over with," Luke said at the wedding rehearsal.

"Just let me finish this," He answered from the porch.

"JESS!"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming, geez."

"This is when I need you to be the best man," Luke said, giving him a look he hadn't seen since his former punk days, although he wouldn't admit it, being in Stars Hollow brought it out in him.

"I have the number of a few police officers who can confirm my ability to walk a straight line," he mumbled under his breath.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, let's just get this over with," he said and joined the waiting group.

* * *

When the rehearsal was over, Jess tried to slip out of dinner but Luke caught him and gave him the look again. He agreed under the condition that he could finish what he was working on.

The Rehearsal dinner was at Lorelai and now Luke's house and for the wedding party. Sookie and Jackson made all of Lorelai's favorite foods, including a pizza that looked like it had come from Lorelai's imagination, with nothing resembling a vegetable in sight.

"What's so important that you are you working all night before Luke's wedding?" Liz asked Jess.

"My novel. I have to make some last minute changes and have them proofed before we send this to the printer next week. And I'm trying to track down a writer."

Rory looked up from her dinner, "You wrote another novel?" she asked, half a smile played on her lips. It was the first time she had looked his way the entire evening and the first words they had said to each other since that fateful night at Truncheon's first open house.

"I did," he answered.

"Good. I can't wait to read it."

"Well, then why don't you let Rory ready it?" TJ asked. "She just said she couldn't wait to read it."

"Well...I…" Jess stammered

"I'm not that kind of editor…" Rory jumped in.

"But it needs to be done," Lorelai said. "Because Luke needs him to be by his side tomorrow and I'm the bride and I said so."

"See, the bride has spoken," Sookie said.

After dinner, Jess stayed at the kitchen table to continue working when Rory said down next to him.

"Do you want a glass of wine or something?" she asked, walking into the kitchen.

"No thanks," he answered, not looking up from his computer.

So what am I looking at?" she asked handing him a beer as she sat down next to her with her own beer.

"Thanks," he opened the bottle and took a drink."You really don't have to if you don't want too."

"The bride said so, so it must be done."

"Here," he said, turning his computer to her.

She was silent for a moment as she read, "this is a description of Stars Hollow at Christmas time?" she said after a few minutes.

"It made the most sense for the scene," he shrugged.

" _A town constructed in a snow globe_ ," she read out loud and laughed. "That's pretty accurate," she continued reading. "This is good, really good. I've added a few things, but other than that, I think it's good," she said and took a swig of her beer.

"Glad you agree," he said. "I sent it off to my editor just before you sat down." He had forgotten how much it was to mess with her.

She glared at him and rolled her eyes, "Punk," she muttered.

"Hey, I was just doing what the 'The Bride said'…" he air-quoted and chuckled.

"I'm going to join everyone else," she said, annoyed and getting up out of her chair.

"Rory, wait," he said looking up at her." I need to ask you a question."

she raised her eyebrows at him, "Well, what?"

"Emily Hayden. Have you ever heard of her?"

"I have heard of her," Rory answered slyly.

"Do you have a way of contacting her? As far as I can tell, you were the first person to publish her and I want her to write for Truncheon. We are discontinuing printing the 'zine and moving it to online only and she would make a good surprise for our last print copy."

"Well," Rory answered, trying to keep it together as to not let her secret out.

"Rory, if you don't want to that's fine."

"I guess I could try, I haven't heard from her in a long time. She was hired as a stringer, and I heard a little rumor that Emily Hayden was a pen name, but I'll try," Rory said hoping her answer would suffice for Jess at the moment.

"Thank you," he paused. "So how are you? It's been awhile since I've seen you."

"I'm good," she breathed a sigh of relief that he was satisfied for the moment. " I just recently took another job, as a field reporter."

"Nice, Christiane Amanpour better look out."

"Well, CNN's not calling yet, just Baltimore," she said.

"Baltimore Sun?" he guessed.

"Yep," Rory looked down at her hands. "Jess, I wanted to apologize for the last time we saw each other..."

"It's water under the bridge. We've both moved on," he shrugged his shoulders. "Besides that, I'm about to get the award for worst best man, so let's just enjoy this for Luke and Lorelai."

"Okay, but then does that mean we are friends?"

"I think friends is doable," he answered.

She gasped and looked at him, "Is this dedication for real?" she asked as tears came to her eyes.

"Don't you think it's appropriate for now."

"I think your award for worst best man is in serious danger."

* * *

"Hey, you two almost done, Lorelai says she needs some beauty rest?" Luke poked his head around the corner.

"I'm turning into a bride tomorrow and the mice and birds are on their way to get me dressed," Lorelai said from the living room.

"We were just talking," Rory said, getting up to help clean up.

"Has everyone left," Jess asked.

"I think Sookie and Jackson just left."

"Can you get Lorelai?" Jess asked growing a little nervous.

"I heard my name," Lorelai said, walking into the kitchen.

"I want to give you your wedding gift now."

"Jess, you don't have to give us gifts before we are married," Lorelai said.

"I don't really want other people to see this," Jess said, reaching into his bag and pulled out a stack of papers.

"This thing with my novel had to be fixed before we sent it to the printer next week. But I think you should scroll to the third page," he said, gesturing for Luke and Lorelai to look at his computer.

They found this inscription:

 _Luke: Thank you for pushing me in the Lake._

 _I wish you a happy marriage with your bride. You proved that making it work is hard, but worth it_

Lorelai read the inscription and her eyes filled with tears. "Jess, that's…"Lorelai couldn't finish her thought.

"You are dedicating your new novel to us?" Luke asked taken aback.

"It won't come out for awhile," Jess explained.

"I'm almost speechless," Lorelai said, giving Jess an awkward hug.

"That's an accomplishment," Rory said from the other room.

"Speaking of which, I think the mice and birds are here to help you get ready," Luke said.

"Bye," Luke kissed Lorelai.

"I will be the one in the white dress tomorrow," Lorelai said.


	10. The Course of True Love

A/n So I've moved...this is the first chance I've had to work on this chapter. I gave a little nod to the revival here...Also, I've been forgetting to mention this...but I have always imagined Amber as Maiara Walsh from Notorious. I'm still a fool and looking for a beta...reviews are coffee to the soul.

"I want us to have our day. With all that we put love through; we owe it to love to have a happy ending." Lorelai insisted.

Luke rolled his eyes at his future wife, "If you say so dear."

"See," Lorelai said. "You already have the hang of being a husband!"

The day of the wedding Rory and Lorelai arrived earlier then they needed too. They wanted to have coffee in the potting shed, together like they did when Rory was a little girl. At the time, Lorelai had coffee and Rory would drink hot chocolate.

The venue looked similar to the Independence Inn when it had been operational. The outside was unchanged. There was still a large wraparound porch with a large grassy area. The inside had kept its same basic structure. Mia's Nephew, Tyler replaced the chimney and upgraded the kitchen. The lobby that once held the desk and dining room now consisted of wedding samples and local vendor information but could also become a banquet room for large weddings. The potting shed that Lorelai and Rory had once lived in was now the bride's room.

When Rory and Lorelai woke up that morning, they made their way to the Wedding Venue. Rory was dressed and ready to go when her mother was done with her hair and makeup.

"You look amazing," Rory said when her mom put her dress on.

"Thank you," Lorelai beamed.

"And happy," Rory said, her voice broke and tears stung her eyes. "Very, very happy."

"I am happy kid," Lorelai said hugging her daughter and wiping her own tears away. "I'm marrying Luke."

"You are," Rory said, as a tear slide down her cheek. "It's about damn time."

Lorelai laughed, "I agree."

"What are you two doing," Sookie exclaimed walking in the room. "There are no tears on a wedding day."

Mia hugged both girls. "I am so proud of how far you girls have come."

"Ok no more tears," Lorelai said dabbing at her eyes.

As the bridal party lined up to walk down the aisle, Rory turned to her mom, "Last chance. No cold feet?"

"None, my feet are nice toasty," Lorelai answered.

Richard Gilmore, her father walked Lorelai down the aisle. "Thank you, daddy," she whispered and kissed his cheek.

On a cloudless day, Luke Danes married Lorelai Gilmore. Those who were a witness would all swear that the bride's feet never touched the ground and the groom's smile never left his face. There would be other weddings and other love stories, but for those who watched this one unfold from the beginning, it was perfect.

Even with their friends and loved ones surrounding them, it was just the two of them reciting traditional vows.

"Nothing says it better than "till death do us part," Lorelai insisted during the planning phase.

When Mia pronounced them husband and wife, Luke sealed their union with a kiss, and the crowd of family and friends stood up and cheered, there wasn't a dry eye in the house, even if some would never admit it.

* * *

"If I can have your attention," Zack interrupted dinner. "It's time for the speeches, first we are going to hear from the maid of honor

Zack passed the microphone to Rory, "Hi," she started. "I've known Luke for a long time he's been like a father to me. When he and my mom got together, I saw how happy he made her. Mom, I love you so much and I am so happy for you and Luke," she had to hold back tears. "I wish you nothing but the best and hope that someday I can be as happy as you are today on my wedding day."

After hugging her mom and Luke, Rory handed the microphone to Jess.

"I think I said everything I needed to say last night," Jess said, looking only at Luke. "Except it's about time," Jess smirked and Luke laughed.

All around him was love and laughter. Luke only had eyes for Lorelai. Even Rory's his mother and TJ and Rory's grandparents looked like they were having a good time.

 _" I miss you. I want to resolve things when I get back."_

After his talk with Luke, Jess had the chance to really consider everything Luke was saying to him. He did love Amber and he did want to find a way to make it work _, with her_. Her actions were unforgivable, but his Uncle had found a way to forgive Lorelai. If Luke could get the girl, then so could Jess.

Zack called the wedding party to the dance floor for the wedding party to dance.

"The Bride says," Rory said, taking Jess by the hand and leading him to the dance floor.

"I…guess," Jess stammered, as he took her hand and began swaying to the music.

"It was a beautiful ceremony," Rory said.

"It was nice," he answered.

"So how are you? How's the publishing business?"

"Truncheon's good."

"No date tonight?"

"You're very observant. No what's his face?" Jess said changing the subject.

"Logan? We broke up a few years ago. He lives in London and is engaged to a French heiress. Which I'm sure his parents are thrilled about," Rory said.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jess spat out.

"The heiress was inevitable," Rory shrugged. "I just broke up with someone else, or rather, he broke up with me," Rory was nearing Gilmore ramble mode, which at some point in his life he found adorable.

"That's too bad."

"Yeah, well he chose his career over me," Rory said bitterly. "What about you?" Rory changed the subject.

"What about me?"

"You can't tell me you are really turning into a recluse?"

"I have someone," he choked out.

"It's love?" Rory questioned.

"Yeah, it's love," Jess said, avoiding eye contact, or the, urge to add, _unfortunately_.

"Matthews's poet must have explained love to you then."

"Something like that," he said, walking away as the song ended.

When he got back to his seat, Amber sent him a text message back.

 _"I don't deserve you. I don't know how you can forgive me…except you get a free pass tonight… be with someone else. Maybe Rory?"_

He didn't answer her back. instead, he went to the bar and proceeded to order several shots of whiskey.

"There you are," Rory said, just after the bride and groom left. "Do you want a ride home?" Rory asked.

"Who's where?" Jess slurred from under the large tree he was sitting under.

"You've been drinking?" she asked.

"Yep," he popped his P.

"You're hammered too."

"Who's hammered?"

"You are."

"No, I'm Jess."

"Oh dear god," Rory asked, sitting down next to him.

"Jess what's going on?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Really," Rory looked at him with a questioning look.

"She practically gave me permission to cheat on her," Jess slurred.

"What? Who?" Rory questioned.

"Amber."

"You're girlfriend?"

"Yep."

"I thought you were happy with her?"

"I am."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't think love is enough," he answered, looking away from her.

Rory stared at him, wanting to say more, "Let's get you home," she said helping him off the ground.


	11. Never Did Run Smooth

A/n Still a fool...still love Iscah McKrae and reviews are coffee to the soul

 _Two years ago – Spring 2007_

 _"_ _Hello," came the tired voice over the phone. "Who is this?" She said when no one picked up. "If you don't answer I'm going to hang up…"_

 _"_ _Don't," Amber finally answered._

 _"_ _Amber? Is that you?"_

 _"_ _Layla, I'm sorry, I woke you. It's late. How's Pitt?."_

 _"_ _You called me at 12:45 to ask me how School is going?"_

 _"_ _No," Amber's voice wobbled. "That's not why I called you."_

 _"_ _You sound like you've been crying. Did that writer break up with you? I'm coming home. I can miss classes tomorrow…I swear you have got to stop dating artist types because they only break your heart."_

 _"_ _Layla, stop," Amber interrupted her friend. "Jess didn't break-up with me…but I…" Amber's voice failed her as tears came to eyes. " I did something horrible," her tears were falling freely._

 _"_ _What? It can't be worse than when we snuck out to be with those college guys and then totaled your mom's car."_

 _"_ _This is worse," Amber sobbed._

 _"_ _Sweetie, I have an exam tomorrow, so you need to stop beating around the bush..." Layla sighed._

 _"_ _I slept with Sam!" she blurted out._

 _"_ _What," her friend exclaimed. "What? How…well I know how but…when?"_

 _"_ _We were working together tonight and one thing leads to another and…" Amber trailed off as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks._

 _Layla was silent on the end, "Amber? Talk to me, how are you feeling? What does this mean? Is it over with Jess?"_

 _Amber sniffed and wiped her eyes, "Sam meant nothing, less than nothing actually," she finally said. "I'm an idiot. I love Jess, or at least I think I love him…"_

 _"_ _And you made a mistake," she finished for Amber. "A stupid one, but still a mistake."_

 _"_ _What should I do? I can't tell him. But lying about it doesn't make it better"_

 _"_ _I can't answer that for you because I've never met Jess. But if you're faced with the choice of not telling him or losing him what do you choose?"_

* * *

The day after the wedding, Jess woke up above the diner. He vaguely remembered Rory bringing him upstairs. His head was pounding and his mouth dry and desperately in need of a cigarette and an aspirin.

It wasn't until he was on the Jersey Turnpike that the events of the night before became clear. She was soothing her own shame and her own need to feel better about her actions.

The break up was loud. There were slamming doors, yelling, and tears. He hated when Amber cried, and worse when she did it because they were fighting. So many times during their relationship had they been in the middle of an argument and she would burst into tears. This time, though, her tears had no effect on him. When the door closed the final time, and she walked out of the door, Jess sank into his chair exhausted.

When he got to work on Monday, Amber had quit Truncheon and wasn't going to bother to even show up for her shift.

Matt and Chris tried taking him out for a drink. He wasn't interested. Instead, he shut himself in his office, working and drowning out the world below.

The following week, late in the afternoon, Jess walked into Truncheon. Matt and Chris were mulling over a flier. Trudy was explaining something to Mandy at a desk that hadn't been there before, or at least Jess hadn't noticed it.

"He emerges from his hole," Matt quips from his desk.

Jess rolled his eyes and said nothing.

"How are you?" Mandy asked.

"Fine," he growled.

"Good then come out with us tonight."

"That's okay," he said sitting at his desk turning on the computer. "Go without me."

"We're celebrating."

Jess looked up at her, "Celebrating what?"

"I did it!" Mandy exclaimed. "I'm here!"

"You're here all the time."

"Jess," Mandy said, slowly. " It's a Thursday afternoon and I'm here, in Philadelphia."

"You moved here?" he asked.

"She moved here," Chris confirmed, looking at Mandy, not hiding his smile.

"And she's my new roommate," Trudy chimed in.

"With a job, we haven't defined yet," Matt said. "But we needed to replace…"

"We figured you wouldn't object." Chris jumped in, cutting Matt off.

'You moved to Philadelphia, you're working at Truncheon and living with Trudy? Seriously? You changed your entire life for him," Jess said looking at Mandy, shaking his head.

"Is there a problem? Should I not work here?" Mandy asked defensively.

"I don't care, it's your life," Jess said, going back upstairs.

"So who thinks there was more to that?" Matt asked

Everyone turned to Matt, and burst out laughing, "Thank you captain obvious," Chris rolled his eyes.

"I'll go talk to him," Chris sighed.

"No," Mandy sighed. " I will." The door up to his office slammed shut. "I'll give him a while."

* * *

In his office, Jess stared at his phone. He was daring himself to call Rory. He had been hard at work on the final edition of the 'zine and hadn't heard from Rory about Emily Hayden.

Calling her at the moment would be a mistake, he was too upset and he suspected Matt or Chris would come and talk to him in a few minutes anyway.

Which is why he jumped when his phone rang and he recognized the Connecticut area code.

"Hello," he answered.

"Jess," a voice said on the other end.

"Rory?"

"Hi," she laughed nervously.

"Hi, did you need something?"

"I…well Mom and Luke are still gone and I need some help moving."

"When did you need the help," Jess asked.

"This weekend would be nice," she said. "I know it's short notice."

"No, it's fine. I was about to call you about Emily Hayden."

"Oh? What did you need?"

"Her phone number or email."

"Oh. You really were serious about getting a hold of her weren't you?"

"I'm sitting on a deadline."

"Okay, well I'll have to check with her first, of course"

"Understandable"

"And if she agrees then I guess we've got a deal?"

"Yeah, okay," he paused for a minute. "Hey, Rory?"

"Jess?"

"I'll still help you move either way."

"Thanks, Jess."

"See you, Saturday Rory," he heard a knock at his door.

"Yeah, Saturday, bye Jess."

"Come in," he said, bracing himself for Chris to get mad at him for being such a jerk to Mandy. Instead, Mandy herself walked into his office and sat down.

"Well?" she asked the second she appeared. "That was a great impression of the punk I knew circa 2001."

Sometimes, it really sucked having Mandy back in his life. She knew him so well and she wasn't afraid of calling him on his crap. At fifteen, it annoyed him, and they drifted apart, but the older Jess got, the more he appreciated her ability to call him out.

"I was a jerk."

"Yes, you were. Then and now."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

"I'm happy things are working out for you and Chris."

"You know I'm not picking sides," she smiled, resting a hand on his shoulder, and added, "I'm Swiss. I just thought you should know."

"Great, I'll call you if I want some hot chocolate."

"She's doing okay," Mandy said suddenly. "She's strong, I've been spending a lot of time…"

"Can we just agree not to talk about her?" he interrupted.

"Okay," Mandy conceded. "But you need to get out of the house. You can't stop living your life."

"I'm busy working on the 'zine."

"Right, okay."

Jess sighed, he really didn't feel like telling Mandy that he was going to Baltimore to see Rory, "How 'bout I let you buy me a drink?"

"I can do that. Then you can buy me a drink welcoming me to Philly."


	12. Strawberry Tequilla Shots

Rory purged her life of Ian and took mostly clothes and personal items to Baltimore. She donated a most of the stuff that was left in her apartment. With the money she got back from the deposit, she went shopping.

She was certain Ian would have hated the new couch she picked out, which consequently made Rory love it even more. She bought a state of the art coffee maker, something she wanted when she lived with Ian, but he refused to spend the extra money on something only she would use.

Jess arrived mid-morning and helped her pick up her new bed frame and bookshelf and carry them upstairs.

"So, new job, new furniture, things are going well," he asked while putting together her new bookshelf.

"I'm just a staff writer," she shrugged.

"It's what you always talked about," he reassured her. "It's not the New York Times, but it's still a major paper in a major city."

"It is."

"Isn't this what you worked for? Isn't this why you went to school? I know you didn't read every book for pleasure?"

She looked at him for a minute, surprised at how in the short time he had been in her apartment; he summarized the issue she had with Ian. "Not all of them."

"You say that like it's a surprise that someone would know that about you," Jess questioned.

She nodded as the tears came to her eyes.

"Hey, what's the matter," his voice softened.

"I'm sorry, this is silly," she said wiping the tears from her eyes. "I didn't even love him and he still managed to hurt me."

"That's not silly," Jess said. "It hurts worse when you love them. You still have to get used to not being in each other's life."

"Exactly, it sucks," she paused, wiping her tears away. She glanced up at him for what felt like the first time in years. He looked tired, his hair was messy and not in the signature "Jess" hairdo she was accustomed to, he wore the same jeans and an old t-shirt. He had changed so much in the last few years, but he was still Jess. "You're not with your girlfriend anymore?" she asked.

"No, we aren't," he answered. "Thanks for taking care of me at the wedding."

"You looked pretty upset," she paused for a second. "You deserve better."

"You did too," he said, putting books on her shelf. "That guy let the best thing get away from him and he's an idiot," he paused, "He'll regret for the rest of his life."

"I don't think he was going to make me happy, though, our life was so…" she paused, ignoring his words and keeping them on topic before the conversation veered off course. "Boring."

"Really?" he asked. A smirk threatened to show.

"I'm starving and it's getting late, how about we get something to eat?" Rory changed the subject. "There's a burger place around the corner that looked okay. Not Luke's, but still okay."

"I'm starving," he said putting the last book away.

Rory and Jess walked to the burger joint at the end in silence. She was glad for the change of scenery. Is he saying what she thought he was saying?

It was too heavy. She could only deal with one break-up/ heartache at a time, even if they had broken up years ago and had just begun a friendship for the first time in years.

Did you hear from Emily?" He asked as their burgers were delivered.

"You could say that," she answered slyly, happy for the neutral topic.

"Did she say no? I'll respect her anonymity I just want something for our final issue."

"You really like her style that much?"

"She's the most unique voice I've ever read."

"Huh."

"So?"

"She didn't say no."

"Really? So can I call her and arrange a meeting or will this be going through you? I mean, you're starting your new job and you must be busy, I don't want you stuck playing go-between."

"I will make sure she has your information and she will send the article to you," Rory answered thinking quickly on how to best handle this. "What are you looking for," she asked.

"She can write about cement for all I care. But I should also discuss payment with her."

"I'm sure Emily will take whatever you can afford," Rory answered.

After they were done eating and walking back towards the apartment, they passed a corner bar, "You wanna go in?" Rory asked and Jess agreed.

After the second drink, Rory asked if he wanted another, "It's the least I can do for you coming all the way out here and helping me put stuff together."

"I don't want to be drunk on the train ride home," he answered.

"Then stay here tonight, sleep on the couch," she said.

"Okay," he answered with a smirk. "Next round is on me," he said and ordered another beer.

When the waitress passed around strawberry tequila shots, Rory called the waitress over to their table.

"I would never have thought you would be doing tequila shots out of a strawberry with you?" he laughed after he downed his first.

"There are lots of things you don't know about me," She said and a shiver shot down his back.

She was flirting with him.

Hadn't they both just discussed the relationships that ended very recently for the both of them? At the moment neither cared. They were having fun and didn't want it to end.

As the night wore on, they both forgot their broken hearts. They drank beer, did a few more strawberry tequila shots and debated the worst movies from the last few years. They even played a few games of pool. In fact, watching Rory Gilmore play pool was extremely hot and she was kind of good at it.

Walking home from the bar they were singing the words to Guns of Brixton with their arm around each other.

When they got into her apartment, they took one look at each other and kissed. They had been dangerously close since Jess had agreed to stay.

Jess pinned her against the wall and was running his hands up and down her back. He kissed her mouth and then went for her neck. She had her arms wrapped around his shoulder and was playing with his hair. She took his shirt off and she wrapped her leg around his torso. She walked with as their lips were attached to each into her room, shedding clothes along the way.

* * *

Rory opened her eyes to the clock on her dresser and let her eyes adjust to the light and the figure in the room moving around.

"Jess," she said sleepily.

"Morning," he answered quietly.

"You're leaving?"

"I wasn't sure you would want me here," he answered, standing still in only his boxers.

"But I don't want you to go," she said.

"I…okay," he said, sitting back on the bed.

"Well that was..." she asked shyly.

"Interesting? Regrettable?"

"Yes…no…yes to the interesting and no to the regrettable," she started rambling. "But …it was also…fun," she admitted blushing.

Jess laughed, "It was," he admitted.

"It's been a long time since I could say that," she looked up at him.

"But I don't want you to think I came here for this."

"I don't, not at all. It's well established we are both nursing a heartache," she said.

"And a hangover," he mumbled.

"Let's just call it what it is."

"And what is that?"

"Consenting adults. Last night was easy and fun. I need some easy and fun in my life."

"Okay…" he answered tentatively.

"For now," she added coyly."

"For now is good," he said, leaning back on the bed, resting his arms behind him.

She moved closer towards him. She smiled and he leaned in for a kiss and then another, he ran his hands over her stomach and kissed her again, this time deeper and with a hint of wanting more.


	13. Emily Hayden

A/n so...this is going to take a turn... a very different turn...I hope you like this different course. Reviews are coffee to the soul.

Sunday night Rory sat in her apartment with the T.V on in the background. She had her laptop open with a blank document. She tried to get in the frame of mind that allowed her to write as Emily Hayden.

It all started when she was forced by the board of trustees at _The Frederick Register_ to fire Emily Hayden. Rory was short on space when her staff writer came down with the flu and left her with nothing. She used an article she had been trying to sell. Then the AP picked up the article about Michael Jackson's career. Since it was so popular, Rory decided that Emily Hayden would have a monthly colum. It was short lived and after Rory "fired" Emily Hayden she immediately took other pieces she worked on to publications that took articles on speck or as submissions.

She never meant for her alter ego to become famous or become a "unique voice" as Jess put it. Emily Hayden gained a reputation as a writer who could write about anything. She could make the mundane and uninteresting, bittersweet commentary on the human condition. Emily was smart, funny and up on current events and pop culture.

She took the stories others didn't want and made them shine. As Emily Hayden, Rory had articles in _Salon, Esquire, GQ, The New Yorker_ and her crowning jewel, the op-ed sections of the _New York Times_ and _The Washington Post._

Emily Hayden was considered a talented writer, with her own style. Writing as Emily Hayden, allowed Rory to flex a creative muscle she wasn't allowed to have as a new journalist. She remembered her editor Hugo, from the blog she wrote for while covering Obama telling her she wasn't in creative writing class. She had no option but to adjust for her editor. As Emily Hayden, she wasn't restricted by what an editor was looking for because merely the name attached to the article, the editor had what they were looking for, thus giving Rory freedom she never had before.

Professionally, Rory cultivated a reputation as a young, but proficient journalist and editor. She hadn't been an editor of a newspaper by accident. Her name was just beginning to mean something. No one knew her secret, and Rory wanted to keep it that way. Emily was never supposed to be a source of stress, just extra income when every publication was turning down Rory Gilmore for a job.

This article for Jess would have to be her last. She couldn't risk anyone finding out that she was Emily Hayden, especially now that she worked for a major newspaper. Upon pitching her articles, she would reveal to the editors of various publications she wrote for her real name and identity. She explained that she wanted to protect her job as an editor at a small town conservative newspaper.

The ringing of the phone snapped her out of her trance.

"Rory," the other voice on the line said.

"Jess?" she answered back.

"Hey can you come to Philadelphia next weekend, I need a date for a mixer Truncheon is hosting."

"Sure, yeah I can do that."

"You should plan to spend the night."

"I should?"

"Yeah, you should," he answered. His voice was low and sent shivers down Rory's back.

"Okay, I'll see you Friday."

She could feel his touch on her skin from the night before and her body was still on fire.

* * *

No, absolutely not," Jess said, Tuesday morning after his weekend with Rory. Matt and Chris cornered him as soon as he walked into the office.

"You already agreed to it," Matt reminded him.

"I don't care, I'm not working with her," Jess retorted, digging his heels in.

"We already have a contract," Chris interjected.

"Fine, then either one of you makes the edits it or what about using a different consultant."

"We've had this on the books for months. You can't just back out because your relationship went sour."

Jess closed his eyes; he knew Matt and Chris were right. In January, Jess signed Adrian Mendoza to an editing contract. His first language wasn't English, thus the need for an editor who spoke both English and Spanish. They were able to take on the client because Amber agreed to interpret and help Jess with editing. Ultimately, the guys hoped to extend his contract to include a publishing deal. When they discussed bringing Amber in on a limited basis, no one bothered to wonder if personal issues could get in the way, because at the time they were happy.

The guys long ago agreed that they would never work directly with their significant other. Trudy, Matt's girlfriend, Trudy worked directly with Chris in an administrative role. When Amber worked at Truncheon, she worked in the retail store and didn't see Jess. Most of Truncheons employees didn't know they dated until she quite suddenly. However, Amber had a skill that was integral to the business, the guys would sometimes make an exception for Amber and bring her in to deal with some of their Spanish speaking clients.

"I already looked into having someone else. And it doesn't fit into our budget," Matt added.

"And unless you want to start attending art shows or take on all the editing projects Matt has right now, it's going to be you," Chris started. "You brought in Adrian, and we are not in the business of going back on our contracts," Chris added tersely, his voice rising slightly.

Chris was the calmest person Jess ever met. Jess could count on one hand how many times he had seen him upset and they were all related to the business, "Okay," Jess agreed.

"You're just gunna have to find a way to make it work. I think the only time you might see her is in meetings," Matt added.

"We can work that out."

"Good," Matt and Chris answered in unison.

Truncheon was split three ways, with Matt and Chris splitting a percent. Which meant that Jess was technically a minority owner. It didn't happen often, but occasionally Matt and Chris would exercise their extra half-percent and out vote Jess.

"How do you even know Amber will still agree to help us, she doesn't even work here…" Jess tried one last time to get out of this.

"We had this same conversation with her over the weekend," Mandy interjected. "And she agreed to come back as a consultant for the project."

"Great," Jess grumbled.

"Good, she'll be here at three," Matt said. "And everything will be good, right?"

Jess pursed his lips together, "Yep."


	14. dirty texts

August 3rd

Jess sat in a meeting as Amber and Adrian were discussing something he didn't understand. Matt's prediction of not having to work close with Amber turned out to be untrue. They saw each other every day and the author needed a lot of help. Jess and Amber tried to speak to each other as litle as possible, but that proved impossibe. They argued over everything and Matt asked Mandy to referee for them. Luckily for Jess, he had Rory to distract him.

Jess: Thanks for this weekend. It was fun…

Rory: Dirty!

Jess: Not what I meant…

Rory: Have you ever been to the Free Library here in Baltimore? It takes up an entire city block.

Jess: No

Rory: Saturday…me, you and the books…

Jess: Dirty!

Rory: Is that a problem?

Jess: No it's something to look forward to…in the mean time I have another meeting...

Rory: Amber?

Jess: Don't say that name three times…

* * *

August 10

As August wore on, the release of his novel grew nearer. Jess stared at the press release. He thought the second time around would be easier. He thought that as a published, he wouldn't have the nerves or the butterflies, but no matter how much experience he had, he was releasing something into the world for others to have an opinion.

Matt: It's getting closer…how are you feeling?

Jess: I'm gonna be sick…

Chris: You wrote a best seller.

Matt: Mac wouldn't have agreed to work with us otherwise.

Jess: For what we are paying him, he better be right.

* * *

Rory and Jess had an ongoing text conversation and would talk throughout the day. They quickly learned the train was quicker than driving and traded weekends going to either Baltimore or Philidelphia.

August 14

Jess: Are we still on for tomorrow night.

Rory: Yep…why?

Jess: Long day…long week…

Rory: I'll order Thai food for dinner. Is your order still the same?

Jess: Yep

* * *

August 17

Jess: Long weekend?

Rory: Sleep…

Jess: :(

Rory: Your turn to take the train anyway…

Jess: Sleep…Long week.

Rory: Well then you sleep and I'll sleep and we can try another night….

Jess: I'm up…I'm up…I'll plan to take the train…

Rory: I figured…

* * *

August 21

Rory: Guess what color my underwear is…

Jess: Lime green with polka dots

Rory: I'm not a kid

Jess: I'm imaging lace

Rory: Black lace

Jess: I'm taking the train tonight

* * *

The autumn issue of _New Books,_ a quarterly publication listed Jess' new novel as a must read. After that, pre-orders started. Matt doubled the initial order just to fill pre-orders. Then in a complete surprise to everyone, _The Philadelphia Review_ named Jess, and by extension Truncheon in its _People To Watch._ He emailed the cover to her and his mother Liz. Rory was in a meeting with her new editor when she got the email and had to keep her excitement under control for the rest of the meeting.

August 24

Rory: OMG OMG OMG…you're on the cover!

Jess called her when he got the text.

"Take the train tonight," he insisted.

"My panties just dropped to the floor. You are going to have so many fangirls," she gushed

"An image for the rest of the day."

"The panties or the fan girls?"

"Both!"

* * *

The rest of the day was hectic and modern communication came with a risk especially when texting on the run as they both were doing that day.

Rory: What should I wear to bed tonight?

Lorelai: WHAT? This was intended for a boy….Are you dating again? Tell mommy everything! I want cute grandkids!

* * *

Jess: I just had the dirtiest thought about you ever. Too dirty to text — wow, I'll tell about it later.

Luke: PLEASE TELL ME THIS WAS A WRONG NUMBER! SO DON"T WANT TO KNOW WHO THIS WAS INTENDED FOR! Don't do anything stupid…

* * *

Just as Lorelai walked into Luke's, he closed his phone.

"Hey, I just ran into Liz, she was excited about Jess and some review," Lorelai said.

"She was saying it was a big deal, but when I talked to Jess earlier, he said it wasn't' a big deal," Luke said, still confused at the text on his phone.

"What's wrong," She asked, seeing the confused look on his face.

"I just got a weird text from him. I hope he isn't seeing Amber again."

"Even Jess has more common sense than that."

"That's high praise coming from you," Luke laughed.

"Well. the little punk has grown on me…the grown up Jess 2.0 with talk features and a college degree at least. Just don't tell him that…ever…"

"I won't," he smiled. "Either way, he sent me a text that was not for my eyes," Luke said showing Lorelai the text.

"I can't un-see that," she said after she read it. "Rory did the same thing like an. She must be seeing someone new…" Lorelai stopped mid-sentence. They locked eyes. "You don't think they are seeing each other do you?" She finally voiced what their thoughts.

I...I don't know. But if they are is it a bad thing?"

"No, they're adults, they can do what they want. But they have both just been through break-ups. So I hope they both know what they are doing, especially considering their history."


	15. It still means something

A/n Wow this took longer than it should have...anyway, I'm still a fool and re-editing this on my own. Reviews are coffee to the soul.

"Jess was evasive when I talked to him," Luke said the next evening while Lorelai got ready for bed.

"Evasive for Jess or for anyone?" she asked from the bathroom.

"Evasive like I swear we had gone back in time to the first time he got off the bus in Stars Hollow."

"Do you think the texts were meant for each other?" Lorelai asked.

"Probably," he answered. "Does this mean they got back together? I swear I can't keep up with those two."

"I don't know yet. I talked to Rory. She wasn't forthcoming either but she agreed to come up for the weekend. Liz mentioned Jess would be here for Doula's birthday party so I guess we can judge when we see them together. They always looked like they had had a secret only they understood when they were together."

"I'm not sure I want to know. They're adults. It's not like we can forbid them from being together."

"No we can't, but it seems rather suspicious to me that Rory hasn't said anything to me."

Luke nodded, still confused.

"When we got back together what did we do?" Lorelai asked, wanting to clarify her concerns to Luke.

Luke caught his wife's eye in the bathroom mirror and gestured toward their bed. He smiled mischievously as she turned the light off in the bathroom.

"Not that!" she huffed, walking out of the bathroom. "We hashed out our issues, we talked, and we communicated. We agreed this was all or nothing."

"I was there," he reminded her.

"The point is we dealt with our history and agreed despite that history we were better off together than apart."

"And you don't think they are doing that?"

"Communication was never a strong point for them. Kissing they could do."

"We can't just butt in. They're adults. You at least have a mom card to play. Jess could easily cut me out of his life. I'm not his father."

"You are more of a father to him than anyone has ever been. God help me, I never thought I would say this, but he respects you."

"Yeah, I guess," Luke said doubtfully. "But is it a bad thing if they did get back together?"

I'm not against them being in a relationship together. But they have both been through the relationship ringer," Lorelai got into her side of the bed. "They are older and more mature. I hope they have learned a few lessons, but if not then they both could be in for another heartbreak."

"And we don't want that…?" Luke questioned, getting into his side of the bed.

"Because the stakes are higher. We are married and if something happens to them, I don't want to think of the consequences," Lorelai turned off her bedside lamp and settled in. "Awkward Christmas' would be just the beginning.

* * *

Rory and Jess drove into Stars Hollow together Saturday morning. Rory had stayed with Jess in Philadelphia Friday night and she didn't want to drive home and then drive to Stars Hollow. The diner was empty between breakfast and lunch when Rory and Jess arrived.

"Hi mom," she said walking into the diner.

"Offspring!" Lorelai exclaimed. "Well if it isn't Stars Hollow own next great author," Lorelai said when Jess walked into the diner.

"It's not a best seller," he sighed.

"He's being humble," Rory said.

"You read it?" Lorelai asked.

"He gave me a preview copy a few weeks ago."

"More like she stole a copy," Jess added. "I'm going upstairs to wrap Doula's gift. I'll meet you at the party," Jess said to Luke.

"Did you guys come together?" Luke asked as Jess disappeared upstairs.

"My car is being serviced so Jess gave me a ride," Rory answered.

Luke and Lorelai nodded in unison, exchanging a look.

"I'm gonna go see Lane. She has the afternoon free because Zack is taking the boys to Doula's party."

"And I need to go help TJ with the BBQ," Luke said kissing Lorelai before leaving the diner. "He shouldn't be left alone with fire."

When Jess came back downstairs, Lorelai was still sitting at the counter, drinking her coffee.

"Hey," Lorelai nodded to him.

He gave her a smile and nodded. As much as they didn't get along when he was a teenager, he and Lorelai had forged peace. It was mostly for Luke…and because they knew the other wasn't going away.

"You know," Lorelai said, stopping him from leaving. "I'm happy for you and Rory."

Jess stared at her blankly.

"I mean, you're not the punk you used to be. And Rory's been through a lot this year. Ian turned out to not be her prince charming. You don't have to hide anything from us. Your adults and can make do what you want."

Jess cleared his throat, "Right," he said, mortified at the thought that Lorelai knew about their arrangement.

"But with all that said," Lorelai continued. " If you hurt my daughter, I'll kick your ass."

"I…right."

"And Jess check to make sure your messages are sent the right person," Lorelai smirked

Jess simply nodded, "I…I should go."

* * *

I'm going to assume this has something to do with the not so tall but still dark and handsome former hoodlum you arrived at the diner with not too long ago?" Lane greeted Rory when she knocked on her best friends door.

"You never miss anything around here? I'd imagine you could rival Miss Patty."

"I'm going assume this is a conversation that should be had with a glass of wine in my hand," Lane grabbed the bottle and two glasses. They found a seat on her front porch.

"A bottle of tequila would be better," Rory joked as Lane handed her a wine glass and filled it for her.

"So then, spill," Lane encouraged her and Rory began to explain the mess she and Jess had gotten themselves into this time.

Rory told her best friend of nearly twenty years everything.

"Your…with Jess?" Lane confirmed again.

"Yep."

"Friends with benefits?"

"Yep," Rory confirmed.

"Is he…?" Lane asked with a blush.

"Lane," Rory exclaimed.

"Rory come on, "

"He's…yeah…" Rory answered, her cheeks turning a soft pink.

"I figured."

"Lane, you're married with two kids."

Lane glared at her friends, "Married, not dead."

The two friends looked at each other and burst into a fit of laughter.

"You have to tell him you went to see him again when you were on he campaign trail," Lane finally said, taking a sip of her wine.

"I thought we would never be here. I just broke up with someone I was with for two years. And so did he," Rory said.

"But it's Jess."

"I know."

"That's all the more reason to tell him."

* * *

It was late and Jess hadn't slept, the encounter with Lorelai weighing on his mind.

She assumed they were in a relationship not just "having fun".

Crap.

He could hurt Rory.

Again.

It was the last thing Jess wanted to do. He'd done enough damage. He thought he finally reached a point in his life where things were calm.

He believed he was over her. He moved on with his life. He finished school and had a career he loved He had been with Amber, even fallen in and out of love with her.

But it was still _Rory._

And as much as he never wanted to admit it out loud, that still meant something.


	16. 184 Miles to Philadelphia

A/n take three on this chapter...I think I got it right this time...I know Amber is awful (I wrote her to be that way)...but you can't just walk away from a relationship and Jess has to go through this process. Anyway...reviews are coffee to he soul.

The next morning Jess packed his bag and went downstairs to find Rory waiting for him with a cup of coffee and a doughnut. He knew Rory wanted to be on the road again before noon because she still had to catch a train back to Baltimore.

"Morning," he greeted her.

"You didn't see my text last night?" she asked.

"No," he lied. "I fell asleep early," he answered, quickly thinking of a reason he didn't text her back or invite her up to the diner.

"Oh, well we'll have time when we get home," she said with a smirk that told Jess exactly what she wanted.

"Morning," Luke greeted.

Just as Jess was going to greet his Uncle, Doula came running through the door and demanded to eat breakfast climbing onto on her brother's lap, commandeering his full attention.

"Ready?" Rory asked when he was finished.

"Yeah," he said, depositing Doula next to the stool upon which he sat, and rumpling her hair with a quick goodbye. He stood and stretched, then grabbed his overnight bag, readying himself to get on the road.

"You two," Luke started, "be safe," he said, swallowing and stumbling over the words. "It's good-y'know, seeing the two of you-you two." He shoved his hands in his pockets, as if the action would somehow prevent him from saying too much. "Be…be good to each other."

Jess said goodbye to Doula for a second time, and to his mom as fast as he could and got to his car, driving off quickly.

Lovely. Lorelai wasn't the only who thought they had started an actual relationship. He had no doubt that at twenty-four Luke would still kick his ass. He was just as protective of Rory as he was when they were seventeen. Some things never change.

Crap.

This was a bigger mistake than he thought, or than he was prepared to make at this moment, much less at this stage in moving on after Amber. Feelings were not supposed to be involved. This was supposed to be safe. Consensual. Two adults-two friends-each providing the safe space that the other needed to move on with their lives and heal. But just as it had been the moment he first saw Rory Gilmore and her book collection, he could never help but feel.

Perhaps he hadn't come as far as he thought.

As Rory and Jess drove out of Stars Hollow he could barely look at her.

Two miles out of Stars Hollow, Jess turned on the radio, hoping to ride home in silence... postpone all of this until he'd had the time to properly sort it out in his head.

Mile 8

"I can't believe Doula is three," Rory said, breaking the silence

"Yeah, she is getting big," he answered succinctly.

Mile 11

"Does Luke think we are…?"

"Your mom does," he interrupted her. "So I'm sure Luke does."

Rory cocked her eyebrow. "And how did that...?" she asked.

"Apparently, I need to be more careful who I send text messages to."

Rory turned red and grabbed her phone, "I do too," she said scrolling through her texts, likely wondering which of Jess' innuendo laced messages could have met her mother's eyes.

Mile 15

"Well, lesson learned, I guess. Technology isn't idiot proof," he sighed.

"So they think we are…" Rory trailed off.

"Yuuup," Jess' eyebrows raised, thinking back on the conversation with Lorelai.

"I'm happy letting them think that."

"I'm sorry…what?" Jess exclaimed.

Mile 19

"What's the issue here?"

"Wow, and you're the Yale graduate," he mumbled under his breath. "You really wanna face dropped hints about wedding bells and grandkids, or why you haven't brought me to Friday night dinner?"

She glared at him, "Do you want to tell your uncle or my mother what this really is?"

"Of course not!" he snapped, not even knowing why he was getting so angry with her.

She pursed her lips together and turned to stare out the window.

Mile 23

"There's something you need to know," Rory said quietly.

"I'm listening."

"I came to see you in Philadelphia," she admitted.

"I know Rory. I was there."

"No, I came to see you a second time. I wanted to talk you, to apologize and tell you I...how sorry I was."

"That's usually what an apology is."

"I saw you with her." Rory's fingers twisted in her lap, a telltale that these weren't easy words to speak. "You looked happy. I didn't even knock on the door. I just drove away." She swallowed. "I slept with Ian that night and I...tried to be in love with him, because I should have been. He was my match in every way, except...there was no spark or passion. It always felt like there could have been… but there was always something holding me back."

"And you're telling me now that something was me? That Ian was basically your rebound...from me...even though we hadn't been together for years, and you fell in love with someone else in the meantime?" Jess took his eyes off the road to gauge her reaction. "Well geez, Rory. Maybe you should have just knocked on the damn door. Then we might not be in this mess we're in now. We could've ended this a long time ago."

Rory sat in stunned silence, unsure of his meaning.

Mile 92

"Do you think this is a mistake, Jess? This thing we've been doing?"

"We're both consenting adults, Rory." He didn't take his eyes off the yellow lines stretching out in front of him.

"That's not what I am asking."

"Maybe I don't think you want to hear my answer."

"I'm a big girl."

"Yeah, but you're also still seventeen and about to get your heart trampled on by an unworthy jerk." His jaw tightened as he tasted the gall of self loathing.

"Is that what you're going to do Jess?"

"Depends..."

"On what?"

"On how much you believe in this as just a convenient arrangement between two old friends."

Mile 108

"Jess, I think I'm ready for your answer."

"Once I say it, I can't take it back, Rory. Are you really sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

"This thing we're doing here, Rory," he said taking a deep breath. "I can't do it anymore."

"Oh Jess, I'm so glad...you were never..."

"Wait, Rory, let me explain. You wanted me to answer and that's what I'm trying to do here, but you need to give me a minute."

Mile 112

"I got over you," he said after a long pause. "You rejected me, so I had to find a way to get over you."

"So we're both basically pretending to rebound from the person who was the actual rebound," Rory reasoned.

Jess closed his eyes painfully for the split second he could afford to take them off the road. "The worst part is," he said ignoring her. "You of all people can't be just a rebound. You aren't and you never will be. I can't pretend that sex with you is simply some throw away benefit."

Rory attempted to take his hand. "You never have been a rebound to me."

"Yes, but you're not hearing me. I moved on. Actually moved on," he continued. "I fell in love with someone else. As painful as it is, it doesn't just go away overnight. I have to learn how to live without her now."

"But she was...awful to you," Rory said, her voice wavering in uncertainty.

"Well apparently I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes to the women in my life," he snapped.

"She cheated on you, and went on with your relationship as if nothing happened."

"No kidding!" he practically shouted. "You don't think I hate the fact that I would even entertain something between us again after the way she treated me?"

Jess blinked rapidly, trying to get the thoughts out-the words out. "This thing between us is supposed to be just sex. Nothing more. Just...carefree fun...an escape. A way to-to get over the pain we've both been through. But I am me, and you are you-and we can't do that without causing massive damage! And now...now you're telling me that Ian...was some consolation prize?" He put a hand to his forehead, trying to numb the war going on inside his skull. "So you were lying to me. And hoping I was lying to you, I guess. And I'm supposed to just forget that Amber was far from being just a rebound. She was the best part of the last three years. I was ready to share a life with her. But, I'm not supposed to need the time to heal from that, because you don't?"

"You always tell me how well you know me-what I'm really thinking and really feeling, and what I want. Did I really have to spell out for you that I-" she choked on the words, "wanted more than to be a bandage for your heart; but I was afraid if I said that out loud, I would screw this up just like this!? Do you think that I don't KNOW YOU?"

He scoffed at her words with a bitter laugh, never believing Rory had him pegged the same way he had her pegged.

"You are still running scared. You still have no clue. You still don't know a good thing when it comes along because you're still too frightened to reach out and get what you want. You are running, just like you ran before-"

"NO, I'm not! I'm not running from anything. I'm making a conscious decision. You remember the last time you actually came to Truncheon… You had moved on. You had another boyfriend, who you said you loved despite the bad he'd done. Why is that okay for you, but not me?"

"You just get to make this decision? You get to walk away again and I'm still the one left wondering how we ended up here."

"You asked me if I thought this was a mistake. It is. Pretending that being with you is meaningless fluff...a... fling...and that it's somehow going to help me to mend a broken heart, is pure bullcrap. It doesn't heal a single thing. All it does is make everything worse, everything more painful...for both of us.

"Speak for yourself," Rory muttered under her breath.

"You said that I don't know a good thing when it comes along? That's not what this is, Rory. Rushing into a full blown relationship when I'm still bleeding from the last one-still hung up on someone else...is only going to wind up with both of us hurt. Trying to trivialize the connection between us into something purely physical cheapens any relationship we ever could have. I'm not reaching out and taking it, because...no matter which way you slice it, here and now...it's not...what I want."

She stabbed a look at him, and he could feel it piercing through, though his head was turned back to the road, trying to force his eyes to focus. "Stop the car," she demanded, her voice like ice.

"What? I can't just pull over here."

"You can, and you will."

"No. I'm not going to pull over on the side of the highway, and let you take your life in your hands, just because you asked me for the truth and you don't like my answer."

Rory gritted her teeth and rode in silent roiling anger.

More than once Jess tried to speak, but her silence had a strength he couldn't penetrate.

She seemed all the more furious that rebellious tears dared to streak down her cheeks at intervals, only for her to swipe them away with frantic movements, as if her hands were cursing each one.

Mile 184

Jess pulled into his parking spot, "I wish I could change how I feel," he started, staring straight ahead. "Trust me, when I say I wish the situation was different. I know exactly how pathetic this is. I just…I need some time to figure stuff out. I wish that for once our lousy timing and communication didn't-"

Rory got out of the car and slammed the door shut. "Open the trunk so I can get my stuff," she demanded.

"Rory I'm trying to talk to you about this."

"Seems you've said enough already."

His jaws clenched. Felt like he spent his whole damned life being told to speak and being told to shut up. He exhaled a long breath. "Where are you going to go? The next train to Baltimore isn't for hours."

"I'll call a taxi and wait at the station."

"Well, I'll wait for it to get here."

"Just go inside, Jess."

It started to rain and Rory looked forlornly at the sky as it soaked her clothes. She didn't even look at him as the tears began to fall in earnest.

"Rory, please will you just get back in the car?" Jess pleaded. "I'll drop you at the train station. I won't try to wait with you or talk about this anymore. You have my word."

"Yeah well that never did have much value, did it?"

"Right…" Jess swallowed thickly, gut punched by the unfair words. They were unfair, weren't they? He went to great pains to keep his word. But from her perspective… He shook his head and made his leaden limbs exit the car, unload her bags along with his own, and walk back to the apartment alone, his footsteps beginning backward as they always did when leaving Rory.


	17. Idiot Points

A/N- My undying goes to Iscah McCrae because she is awesome! Go read Ever Fixed Mark...I mean after this chapter. Reviews are coffee to the soul.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Luke said into the phone a few nights later.

"You'll have to clarify yourself."

"Rory," Luke answered in a low growl.

"Oh, that," he said, bracing himself for the blowback, he knew was inevitable.

"I don't know what kind of game you two were playing but you will stop it now."

"What game are you referring to? I never really was one for sports." Jess shot at his uncle.

"You know damn well what we are talking about."

"Do I?" Jess asked getting annoyed.

"She called here in tears, told Lorelai the whole story. Which means, I then heard the whole story, including how you let both me and my wife believe you two were a couple. Thank you for that, and for making me privy to your love life."

"Right, It couldn't possibly have been both of us."

"Jess…" Luke snapped. "Of all the self-destructive, irresponsible things I have seen from you, this one takes the cake.

"I don't need this from you. I am no longer your teenage screw-up dependent. I'm perfectly capable of making my own life choices; sometimes known as mistakes."

"Your biggest mistakes usually have something to do with Rory. I thought you were over this…but the minute Amber…"

It's MY mistake to make," Jess cut Luke off sharply.

"You'd be right if it was just _any_ mistake. But you can't _make this_ one. You're either _with_ her or _not_ ," Luke said, growing more indignant in his anger. "There _is_ no half way, _especially_ with Rory; and I know you know that somewhere inside your thick head."

The line went dead when Luke hung up. Jess closed his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose to ward off a headache.

* * *

"You seriously could have told me she chews her nails," Chris complained, a few days later over $4.99 beers and wings at the watering hole around the corner from Truncheon.

Jess started laughing, "She still does it?"

"It's so annoying."

Jess laughed, "Cindy used to put bandaids on her fingers so she wouldn't do it anymore."

"Speaking of her mother, she calls all the time! And they argue…"

"The whole time," Jess finished, amused. "I tried to tell you," he said.

Chris shrugged, "She says that I'm messy and my house is never really picked up. Plus, I think it annoys her that my family shows up at my house all the time."

"She's just not used to it," Matt cut in. "It _takes_ a little getting used to your eighty-five cousins and endless aunts and uncles."

"Yeah, but she's here," Chris said not taking his eyes off his drink. "I can live with her crazy mother, and even her complaints about my family, as long as I get Mandy."

"You're whipped," Matt deadpanned.

"Probably," Chris answered, a goofy smile played on his lips. "But so are you."

They parted ways soon after, Matt heading one way towards Trudy's house, and Chris and Jess heading another way. Mandy was sick and didn't want to give it to him. Chris had an early morning that necessitated him being closer to Truncheon for the night. It added up to crashing at Jess' place for an evening.

"Is something bothering you?" Chris asked.

"No," Jess answered.

"Liar."

"Maybe, but either way, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Suit yourself," Chris said. They fell silent as they continued down the street, stopping at the liquor store for some more drinks.

When they walked in the door of Jess' apartment, the first thing Jess noticed was a flashing red light on his voice message.

 _Jess, I hope this is your home phone. Luke said this was a good number. If this is some strange person's home_ _number, I'm sorry._

 _Hello?_

 _Okay, you aren't going to pick up or answer my texts or calls on your cell phone. I don't blame you. I heard Luke chewed you out. I told him he shouldn't have. I'm an adult, own 50-90% of the blame for...all of it; and we didn't do anything we both didn't want to do._

 _I want you to know... um… a long time ago I'm pretty sure you heard me tell you that after you left, I wasn't going to pine for you. That was kind of a lie then, and it… it really would be now. I'm not going anywhere. I think we should be together. I think we deserve to see if this thing we have, and have always had, is still good._

 _You've always been...different. The exception to every rule and every...logical, sensible piece of advice I've ever tried to give to myself. Or, at least, what I thought was logical and sensible at the time. I've never been able to have you completely out of my life. And I really don't want to know what that would be like._

 _But I get it… Amber hurt you and it's hard to just jump again into the unknown. And you need time to get over her. If we're going to do anything, we can't do it halfway. It has to be a relationship and we have to be committed to it. Otherwise we'll just be back where we started making teenagers' mistakes all over again._

 _So right now I'm going to concentrate on my new job and my new city and when the time is right for us again, we will be together. Because we should be; and I know you know that. It's never goodbye for us, it's 'til next time. So...yeah. 'Til next time, Jess. I'll be waiting._

Chris' eyes got very big as he listened to the message. "You're sure nothing is wrong?"

Jess sighed in defeat. Chris wasn't going to let it go. So he spent the next several minutes telling his friend the whole story, including Luke's tirade the night before and subsequent hanging up from his Uncle.

"You're an idiot," Chris said when Jess was finished.

"Wow thanks," Jess mumbled.

"Well, you are."

"That seems to be the general census."

"Don't get me wrong," Chris continued, cradling the beer he had just popped open, "it takes two to tango, but you get the extra idiot points".

"Well thanks, what are you driving at?"

"I knew something was up when Rory showed up at the mixer. You were travelling to go see her; you were attached to your phone for weeks. We thought you _were_ seeing her…." Chris staring at him, pointedly. "She wasn't a fling," he said flatly. "And telling yourself otherwise is a lie."

"Yeah," Jess sighed.

"Is it really over between you and Amber?"

Jess didn't say anything for a minute as he contemplated the answer, "I think...yeah...it is. For the foreseeable future anyway. But I don't want to just jump into a relationship either. Especially with Rory. She was right that it can't be halfway."

"I get that, and you shouldn't. But I know you and I know you want stability in your life. You want familiar and Amber is familiar. You would've married her in other circumstances."

"That was something we had talked about; but not anytime soon."

"Okay, so give or take five years, she wants a family. You would have had kids by then."

"What are you getting at?"

"She cheated on you."

"Yes, that is often pointed out to me…"

"So what's stopping her from doing it again?" Chris asked. "But if she does it again, are you going to forgive her? Are you going to forgive her for betraying your marriage and family?"

"Chris, that's neither here nor there."

"No, it is. Because I see you two when you're working together. I know you aren't entirely over her yet. I've heard her and Mandy talking. She misses you."

Jess didn't say anything as he contemplated what Chris was saying..

"I was an idiot when I cheated on Shelly. I was nineteen and dumb as rocks and I always regretted it and she has never forgiven me. I lost the most important person in the world to me. And Mandy, I mean you know the story. She walked in on her ex. It took us a long time to be able to _have_ a relationship because she wasn't over him, and she didn't know if I could be trusted. I can overlook her imperfections, and Lord knows I have my own. But if she can't trust me, it can't be 's a deal breaker."

"Right..." Jess answered slowly, his frown deepening as he squinted to make out his friend's reasoning.

"The point is not whether you can get over Amber. It's whether the deal is broken...whether it should be...whether you could ever truly trust her again, no matter how much you love her. No matter how much, to you, she represents everything that is calm and functional."

Jess' eyes were no longer seeing and he heaved out a half breath, unable to exhale the rest. After a long, broken heartbeat, he nodded...shallowly.

Chris's voice grew quiet, almost whispering out of respect for the pain in his friend's face. "It's the same with Rory. All the joy and heartbreak there. Take away all of the 'in love,' 'broken up,' 'over,' 'not over.'" He paused, lips trembling, "It's two relationships. Two people. Can you trust either one? Is either of them actually _good for you?_ "

Jess hadn't moved as he processed what Chris was saying.

"I don't like to see you get screwed with, man. But, it's your funeral. If you honestly think that either of them will make you happy-like…' _til death do we part_ happy. Then, go for it." He paused. "Otherwise…" Chris let the sentence hang in the air.

Jess blinked, chewing on the side of his lower lip and holding his breath without consciously realizing he was doing it. His phone started to buzz in his pocket.

Pulling it out, he glanced at the screen. "Yeah, 'cause _that's_ what I need right now," he muttered sarcastically.


	18. Matters Of the Heart

A/n Enjoy...reviews are coffee to the soul...fixed a mistake...

"We need to talk," Jess said, storming into the diner the next morning before Luke's opened.

"What the-? Nice to see you too," Luke said, following Jess upstairs.

"Last night I got a phone call from Lily," Jess started in..

"Lily?"

"Sasha's daughter," Jess answered, pacing back and forth across the hardwood floor.

Luke frowned, placing his hands on his hips. "Who?"

"Jimmy's girlfriend," Jess said with little patience.

"Jimmy… Your father?" he checked, still looking a bit lost.

"My father," Jess repeated.

"So you're father's girlfriend's daughter called," Luke confirmed with a deep breath, feeling the need to be seated and not near sharp objects whenever Jess' father was brought up.

"She said I needed to go to California because Jimmy is in the hospital. He had a heart attack, and was or is about to go in for bypass surgery," Jess said, his nerves showing.

"So, then why are you in Stars Hollow telling me this instead of on a plane headed to California?"

"The earliest flight available out of Bradley International is ten this morning, and I had to come here first," Jess answered quietly, sitting down next to his uncle.

"Why?"

"Because I can't get on a plane to be there for a man I never knew, knowing that you and I aren't speaking," Jess said looking at his hands while he spoke.

"We're not-?" Luke cut himself off, eyebrows raised, in the middle of his own question.

"Well, without knowing. I mean, you… You were… _are_..."

"Jess, stop," Luke interrupted. "You don't need to." He may have hung up a receiver without waiting for a reply; but, clearly, he wanted Jess to know that didn't change a thing. "I can take you to the airport," Luke said without hesitation.

"Are we good?" Jess asked, an apprehension stinging his eyes.

"We were never not good," he said, putting his hands on Jess' shoulders.

"So...did you talk to Rory?" Luke asked on the drive to the airport.

"I already had," Jess clarified, closing his book.

Luke raised his eyebrows.

"I talked to her when she and I were driving back from Stars Hollow. Told her that… basically, what you said. With us, halfway doesn't work, and it needed to stop." He swallowed, voice quieting. "I couldn't do it anymore."

Luke was silent for a moment, eyes shifting from the pavement to the speedometer and back again. "So I basically called and yelled at you for not doing something you had already done."

"Basically," Jess nodded, no trace of malice for the misapplication of blame in his tone.

"Sorry," Luke said simply, catching the shrug of Jess' shoulders in his peripheral vision. "Though my assessment of the original situation still stands."

Jess' lower lip protruded as he bounced a nod of resigned acceptance of the facts.

"So you…" Luke trailed off as if unsure whether to ask what he was beginning to ask.

Jess' eyebrows raised, though he didn't look at Luke full on.

Luke scratched the back of his head, beneath the brim of his baseball cap. "You don't…?" he puzzled out, "...want a relationship with Rory?"

Jess turned his eyes toward the floor, fiddling with the seat cover. "It's not that simple."

"What do you mean, it's not that simple?" he asked, seeing his nephew's eye roll and body language expressing the state of being entirely at a loss for words. "I mean, you just _said_ that it can't be halfway, and then you put an end to it. So, that would _indicate_ that it's not what you want."

Jess put his head in his hands, making even the aggravation in his voice come out muffled. "Is it somehow _not okay_ for me to _not know what I want?_ "

Luke turned his head to the road and shifted gears, remembering where it was he was taking Jess, and that his head was probably a jumble in regard to many things at the moment. "Yeah, that's…" he sighed. "Of course that's okay."

They'd almost reached the airport when Jess spoke again. His head was still in his hands, and he's been kneading his skull as if it throbbed. "I _do_ love her."

Luke didn't venture to comment on this.

"I just…" He faded off, unable to complete the thought.

"You've got a lot on your mind," Luke finished for him.

He nodded, tired.

"And your plate."

Jess ran his hands through his hair without further confirmation, glancing back to make sure his belongings were reachable and in order.

Before he exited the vehicle, Luke put his hand on his shoulder, and Jess looked up. "If you know you love her, the rest will sort itself out. Go see your dad. Make the most of it."

Jess' eyes fell at the huskiness in Luke's voice.

"Rory will be here."

He nodded hurriedly, catching up his bags and drawing a lungful of air. Almost unable to look at his uncle, and yet heart full, he pressed his lips together with what valiantly attempted to be a grateful smile.

What passed between their eyes said more than words could, both nodding to one another just before Jess turned to walk inside, slinging one bag over his shoulder, wheeling the other behind.

Luke, as he always did, watched him out of sight before he drove away.

* * *

"He doesn't know what he want's," Luke said into the phone as he pulled into his parking spot at the diner.

"Clearly," Lorelai said.

"He said he loves her… Not loved but loves"

"So then what was Amber for all those years?"

"His ex-girlfriend that cheated," Luke answered simply.

Lorelai sighed, "But that doesn't diminish the last three years."

"Which is why he doesn't know what he wants," Luke repeated.

"Complicated."

"It is complicated, but it's also very simple. He loves her and she loves him. There has always been something pulling them together. When they figure that out again, they will find each other," Luke stated simply.

"It worked for another guy I know," Lorelai added. "He answer's to the name husband now."

"I've met him before, I think," Luke said into the phone, unable to contain his own smile. "So what do we do now?"

"Nothing."

"But what about…"

"We let them figure it out."

"That's it?"

"Luke," Lorelai stopped him. "We've meddled in their personal life will be okay. They have both admitted they were being stupid, they both have said that they love each other, so now we sit back and let them figure it out. They're going to be okay," she repeated, quietly as reassurance.

* * *

Jess took a deep breath as he descended down the escalator. He immediately saw Sasha waiting for him. She had dark circles under her eyes and her shoulder length blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail hidden by her signature bandana.

"Hey," she greeted him in her usual chipper way, but Jess could see she was trying mask how much stress she been under for last twenty-four hours.

He nodded to her and they headed over to claim his baggage.

"How is he?" Jess asked, grabbing his bag and walking toward the exit"

"He's in the cardiac ICU. They just took him off the ventilator before I left to get you. The doctors are hoping to move him to a room tonight or tomorrow morning."The air was heavy between them as they exited the airport.

"He's gonna make a full recovery," they walked silently to her car. "But he has to change his lifestyle."

Jess closed his eyes and took another deep breath as he saw a tear escape Sasha's eye.

"No more hot dogs?" Jess tried to lighten the mood.

She swallowed back her tears and let out a laugh, "Yeah, the doc mentioned that."

"Tofu dogs," they both echoed and laughed and Sasha relaxed and they fell quiet.

"It scared him though," Sasha said, breaking the silence "Before he went into surgery he wanted to make sure we got ahold of you."

"I'm glad you did," Jess swallowed the lump in his throat. "Have you slept at all?" He asked her as they pulled into the parking lot of the hospital.

"I just...I haven't wanted to leave him."

"I'm here," Jess said softly. "Why don't you go home and get some rest. I'll call you if anything happens."

"Thank you, I'm gonna take Lily with me," she said getting out of the car.

* * *

Jimmy was sucking on an ice cube when Sasha and Jess walked in his room. He was hooked up to several tubes and machines that measured his oxygen and kidneys. Mostly though, he looked pale, something Jimmy Mariano never looked seeing as how he spent as much time as he could in the sun and beaches of Venice Beach.

"Hey," Jimmy was barely able to rasp out.

Occasionally, Jess and Jimmy talked, usually on birthdays and holidays. Their relationship hadn't changed since the day he decided he left to go back to New York. It had been a year since Jess had seen his father. Amber won a grant given to a future teacher. Jess had flown to San Francisco with her family to attend the award ceremony, then they visited Jimmy and Sasha afterward.

Sasha and Lily said their goodbyes.

"So what are you watching," Jess asked as the door closed behind Sasha and Lily.

"Not sure," Jimmy answered, sucking on an ice cube, "But the chick from Overboard is in it."

"Oh Goldie Hawn," Jess said and watched the movie in silence with his father. "How…um how are you doing?"

"How long can you stay?" Jimmy said after a long pause.

"Just a couple of days. Gotta get back. Work."

"Your book, that's right. I got the invitation."

"Yeah."

"That's a big deal."

"I guess," Jess shrugged.

"Sorry I won't be able to make it."

"Pretty extreme way to get out of it."

Jimmy tried to add a comeback just as the nurse came in his room to check on him.

They went back to watching the movie and Jimmy fell asleep. Jess was even able to drift off for a few minutes. Sasha returned in the evening with dinner for Jess and to talk with the doctor who said he wanted Jimmy to stay in the hospital for at least three days.

"You came all this way just to sit and watch a few old Goldie Hawn movies?" Sasha asked when the doctor left.

"Yep," they both said at the same time and returned to their attention to the screen.


	19. Father's and Tin Hats

A/N- This is a repost because I posted the previous chapter twice. This chapter took so long because I threw out a bunch of it and was at a loss for a long time on how to finish it...I hope you enjoy. I'll try not to take so long from now on.

Jimmy was moved out of the ICU the next morning. He was also taking walks around the cardiac wing and seemed to be eating more food with every meal. The doctor seemed pleased with his recovery and thought he could go home in two or three days, depending on his pain management.

Jess stayed at Jimmy's house with Sasha and Lily, sleeping on the couch as he had done the summer he lived with them. He spent most of the day switching off with Sasha and Lily at Dante's Inferno and the hospital. It was the end of the summer season, and they had to keep his dad's business running.

At the hospital, Jimmy had a roommate in the next bed who complained to the nurse anytime someone spoke above a whisper. So Sasha was forced to kick a few people out of the room. Jess had work to do, so he was happy to give up his chair to Jimmy's meat guy.

In the hospital cafeteria, Jess opened his laptop to check some emails. He still hadn't heard from Emily Hayden, and his one link to her wasn't speaking to him. He was running out of time, Matt wanted the article to go to print before his book was released.

He was forced out of his thoughts by his phone ringing.

"Hello," he said answering right away when he saw it was Matt.

"Hey, how's your dad?"

"Good, he's out of the ICU and they should let him go by the end of the weekend, Monday at the latest."

"Good, I'm glad he's well," Matt paused, "so umm, I need to talk to you about something."

"What's that?"

"Emily Hayden. Where are you with her contribution?"

"Nowhere. I don't have the contact I thought I did."

"Hmmm, well let me ask a few friends and see if they have heard anything. But in the meantime have you heard about the blog that is dedicated to her writing? Maybe it would be helpful in trying to figure out who she is."

"No," Jess scoffed. "Someone dedicated an entire blog to her. Really? Do people have that much time on their hands?"

"Apparently, you should check it out though. I'll send you the link if nothing it might be a good laugh and a good way to pass the time in the hospital" Matt said

"I will, thanks," Jess said, as a link popped up on his instant message.

They hung up and Jess clicked on the link he was sent and opened up to a blog just as Matt described.

The description of the blog read:

 _The great mystery about Emily Hayden is that she leaves us pondering life in the most unexpected, bittersweet ways. Should her words be taken at just face value? Is she really that talented that she can take a simple, innocuous subject and turn it into commentary about life and love?_

Jess continued reading and stumbled on a comment from just a few days ago from jg5414:

 _She's writing a novel and creating buzz. Just watch, this is some silly campaign to create buzz for a sappy novel that will no doubt lead to a movie._

 _Thatgirl2251_ wrote _:_

 _I agree with the love story theory, but Emily Hayden is a man attempting to write as a woman._

Some claimed to be the person Emily was writing too. Lostlove22 swore the letters from her dead ex-lover sending her messages from beyond the grave.

Some insisted she was a government spy or a prisoner sending messages to gang members.

They read everything into her writing, tracking numbers, dates and possible locations. They had lists and charts and projections for when her next article would appear and in what publication it would appear in.

It was also theorized that because the name Emily Hayden was so innocuous, it was more than one person. The poster of this theory compared it to the author Carolyn Keene, who was more than one author but had been credited with writing all of the Nancy Drew Mysteries over several decades.

Jess rolled his eyes. It was ludicrous, the whole thing. He never saw her articles as more than just a talented writer making the most of the crappy assignments she was given. The writing equivalent of making lemonade out of lemons.

"This is serious?" he asked over the phone to Matt.

"I know, it's a little crazy."

"Crazy? Uh, I need a tin hat after reading it."

"Hey, there is truth in some of the craziest theories out there, you never know what you could stumble on"

"Whatever man, you owe me. I think I'm losing brain cells," Jess said before hanging up.

* * *

"How're you feeling?" Jess asked Jimmy when he returned upstairs just before visiting hours were for the night.

"Missing the beach but otherwise I'm good." Jimmy answered, "Thought you'd left without saying goodbye,"

"Nah, just catching up on some work. My flight leaves first thing tomorrow and I got a room at a hotel close to the airport. I'd stay longer but..." Jess started to explain.

Jimmy nodded, " Makes sense. Sasha's got it covered. It was good of you to come here Jess," Jimmy nodded, still looking out at the view.

"Yeah, well, seemed like I should. I'm glad I did."

"Look, kid, we both suck at goodbyes so how about you give me an awkward hug and then take your bags and go," Jimmy offered him an out and Jess took it gratefully.

"Do what Sasha tells you. Take care of yourself."

"She'll like that. Take care of yourself, Jess. Wait," he stopped him before he left the room. "Your book, send me a copy."

"I will," Jess said, turning to look at his father.

"And come back for Thanksgiving. Sasha has wanted me to ask for a long time and right now seems as good a time as any."

Jess smiled, "I'll try."

Jess shouldered his bag and didn't look back.

* * *

Jess arrived early at LAX for his flight, made his way through security, grabbed a quick lunch and pulled out his computer to finish reading the website.

He finally got to a page that pulled out specific quotes, that Jess started to pay better attention, they refuted the previous theory and pointed to more than one person.

" _Leather jacket, James Dean type,"_ caught his eyes. It was a quote from an article written in the spring of last year.

" _Misunderstood lost soul,"_ a quote from another article her most recent article.

" _Small town misfit,_ " still another quote from an article from an article that was published last April.

Jess stopped, frozen in his seat.

"No," he muttered to himself. "Not possible."

His hand took over his entire body, as he clicked on the link that leads to the very first article Emily wrote and began to read from the beginning.

A/N I've had the rumblings of a post revival story start to swirl. We'll see if I can find it in me to write this story though, it won't be fluffy, in fact, it will be down right sad and may or may not include a whole lot of literati.


	20. Playing House

A/n so I realized about three days after posting the last chapter that I posted the previous chapter (ch 18) twice. So if you read the last chapter after it came out, you should go back and re-read the chapter before this one. Reviews are coffee to the soul. Enjoy

After returning home from California, Emily Hayden's words echoed in his mind as went about his daily life:

 _"The entire globe is experiencing a depression of the financial kind at the moment and it can be difficult to turn off your television, put down your newspaper (after you've finished this article of course) and step outside to rediscover all that we still have in this world to be grateful for. Sometimes in life, all it takes is a little change of perspective to make what seems bleak bright again."_

He'd been thrust back into his crazy life. HIs 25th birthday was two weeks away and Matt and Chris had plans for some wild birthday party. Immediately after was the launch of his novel.

Truncheon Books had a time-honored tradition for every author who had made his or her way through the doors of the publishing house. It started when _The Subsect_ was published with just him and Matt and Chris. Jess had spent the day waiting for the truck to arrive with the boxes with his book in it. He would never forget holding his book in his hands for the first time. Matt and Chris grabbed the nearest bottle of firewater and they took a few shots and then they ordered a pizza and spent the night toasting everything.

When Truncheon published its first novel with reviews and pre-orders from bookstores and libraries, they added a catered meal with a DJ and it turned into a full-blown party.

This time Jess wanted Luke and his mom there when the truck arrived. He had asked his Uncle if he would cook, but he insisted on being a bystander and suggested he ask Sookie to cook the meal.

"I can handle that in my sleep," she laughed when he called her and told her the menu. "You sure you just want Pizza?"

"Yep," he insisted. "But, I mean you can make it however you want."

"I'll do just that," Sooke promised him.

April had begged Luke and her mother to let her come. Her mother relented and allowed April to fly to Philadelphia from New Mexico to see her father for a long weekend. All of the employees at Truncheon would be there. He invited a professor who Jess thought was overly harsh the first time he turned in a short story. The short story had been the basis of his novel.

In short, this party was looking to be a big deal, possibly the biggest night of his young writing career. He'd been through this anxiety with other writers, but it was different because it was his book, his blood, sweat, and tears.

Yet with all the work he had on his plate, all he could think about was Emily Hayden, tracking down her articles and re-reading them. Matt and Chris insisted that his biggest priority was to find Emily Hayden. Matt's contacts had turned up dry and so they were just left with the crazy internet people. Which was fine with Jess. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was still missing something. It was no longer about finding her identity so they could get her to write something for the 'zine.

* * *

A week before the big party, Jess was reading through another one of Emily's articles, taking notes at his desk as everyone else was planning the party.

" _I've lived half my life between the pages of many books. but I've never been a fan of Hemingway. My inner feminist could write a dissertation on him being the patriarchy. He was a philandering misogynist. Furthermore, he characterizes the women in his novel as one note and they lacked depth. Don't even get me started on his short stories. He's a walking cliche of the era. However, despite my distaste for the man and his writing, I truly believe it when he said: the world breaks everyone and afterward some are stronger at the broken places."_

He heard the little girl's voice outside Truncheon before she burst through the door. Her red curly hair tied up in pigtails with a blue ribbon bounced into the room.

"Rosy," Jess said, unable to hide his smile despite the confusion as to why the five-year-old had just leaped into his lap.

"Do the voices, especially the big bad wolf," she demanded, handing him a book and looking up at him with her big brown eyes. To which Jess was not immune to. He opened the book she handed him just as Amber popped her head in the room.

"Rosaline Jane," Amber said in a sing-songy tone she only used with the little girl. "You should have waited for me."

"Shhhh, Jess is reading me a story," she said, nuzzling into Jess' shoulder and closing her eyes.

Amber waited patiently as he finished the story, "Why don't you and Mandy go and get ice cream," she handed Mandy some cash.

"Only if Chris will come," the little girl insisted. Chris, also completely useless to the little girl's charms followed his girlfriend out the door to the ice cream shop.

"Can I talk to you?" Amber asked when they were out there. Jess nodded and pointed to the kitchen. Matt and Trudy sensing there was more to this visit than a story for the little girl, politely left the building and deciding ice cream was a good idea, even if it was fall and close to dinner time.

"Sarah finally went to rehab. Or she was finally ordered to rehab and she gave me temporary custody. So I'm her legal guardian until her mother can get it together long enough to raise her daughter, despite the jackass who got her pregnant and then left her a year later..." Amber blurted out. "I'm barely twenty-two years old…" the distress wore plainly on her.

"Unbelievable," Jess said, unable to look at Amber. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Coffee," she answered, just as Jess reached for the coffee pot, already knowing what she wanted. "When did this happen?" he asked.

"A few days ago, Sarah came to me after I told her I would always be there for her however she needed me. I've known Roz since she was a baby..."

"What does your dad say?" Jess interrupted.

"You know my dad, always willing to take in a stray. I've known them since I was a kid. Plus, I got the job as a bilingual teacher for the upper grades at Taylor Elementary, so I can afford to do this while her mother figures things out. Her great-grandmother still watches her a few days a week so I don't have a huge daycare bill for when she's not in school."

"Why doesn't her grandmother have custody?"

"Gladys wanted me to take her. She thinks Roz will be happier with me. She also offered any help I would need."

"You're doing a very good thing for her," Jess sighed as the sound of the coffee pot came to life.

"Roz asks about you," Amber answered. "And I know this is a lot to ask."

"Did you tell her that you cheated…?" he snapped at her. "Did you tell her that you used your mistakes against me for the better part of our relationship? What would she think of Miss Amber?"

"Dammit, I didn't come over here to fight with you," she snapped at him.

"Than what, Amber, what do you want…?"

"She misses you being around. I haven't told her about us and...she needs a male in her life..."

"Don't you put that on me. You and I babysat her a few times and suddenly I'm supposed to swoop in and take care of her?" he scoffed. "Is this coming from you or her?"

"Don't..." her tone ice cold.

"You want me to come over and play house?" he shouted at her. "Like we did when you babysat for her Because that's all it was."

"You know what, forget it," she shouted back, just as loud. I thought you of all people would understand and want to be apart of her life, despite our issues," Amber grabbed her purse to walk out the door, "You're a jackass Jess, you can't put your own stuff aside for a little girl who adores you. This is about her, not me or us."

"You just want to play house," he matched her voice level.

"No," Amber started, tears on the verge, his lips stung. "I..want…" her lips quivered.

"Oh, there you go with the waterworks. You know I'll crack and you'll get what you want."

"Screw you," she said before slamming the door behind her.


	21. Stability

_A/n This is the last chapter. Yes, it means I need to go back and fix some of "Something Worth Fighting for" and I will, all in good time. But I actually have an idea for a story that takes place post-revival. So enjoy and reviews are coffee to the soul._

 _He stood for the everyman; even lowly writers and forklift drivers. He had a vision of our potential and he was not afraid to call us out on our past mistakes and in doing so he inspired us to rise up and dust ourselves off and get back on track to being the truly remarkable nation we know we can be."_

"I'm not here for you," Jess said when Amber opened the door.

"She's upstairs," Amber made way for Jess to come in her house. He was upstairs before she could say anything to him.

He read her a quick story, making sure to do the voices he knew Roz liked. Her red curly hair and brown eyes mesmerized him. She was sassy and a little mischievous, there was never a Barbie in her hand. However, a story would always make her happy. She was a quiet, sweet little girl.

Jess would leave just as fast as he arrived, but when Amber peeked her head in the room, Roz was sleeping. The next night and the night after he arrived in much the same fashion, never saying a word to Amber or anyone else in the house.

Roz had been barely two when Jess and Amber started dating. Amber had a long-standing job with the family. Sarah had been Amber's first call when her husband left.

Most of the time, Sarah would lock herself in her room and cry herself to sleep. Amber would play with the baby, and then put her down for the night and stay until the early hours of the morning so Sarah could rest and the baby could eat.

After a few months, Sarah was stronger and needed someone who could watch her daughter while she worked. She had gone back to work as an accountant, a job she'd had before getting pregnant and hadn't planned to return to. That was when her grandmother had come to live with her, but Gladys was older and still needed Amber to fill in when she was tired.

By then Jess and Amber were entrenched in a full-blown love story, spending their Friday nights together babysitting. Neither ever acknowledged it out loud, but Roz, this sweet little girl who had them both wrapped around her little pinky, looked like them put together. It was easy to imagine a little girl with curly red hair like her mama's and brown eyes like her daddies. She would have her mama's smile and sass and her father's love of reading and disdain for Barbies.

It was the fuel for Jess to believe he could live the opposite of his parents. He could have a stable life that wasn't filled with a revolving door or the dust from a car speeding off down the highway in the opposite direction. He could give stability a shot, give a child what he didn't have and do it with this woman.

Meanwhile, somewhere along the line, Sarah had lost her way. During her divorce she'd found that her husband had cheated on her their entire marriage. He wanted nothing to do with Roz and gave up parental rights. Sarah tried to be strong but descended deeper and deeper into depression.

Dating again had been a disaster and she refused to have a revolving door of men around her daughter. So she didn't bring them to her house, but it didn't stop her from going out, sometimes not coming home until the next morning. Sarah always paid extra for those nights, which Amber gladly accepted.

Until Jess started to suspect that there was more to the men Sarah was seeing. The accusation almost broke Jess and Amber up. Until, Amber's twenty-first birthday celebrations when she saw Sarah out, drunk, high and hanging on the arm of some loser. Amber told her she would help Sarah in any way she could, but couldn't support her partying and leaving her daughter.

Not long after, Sarah had been pulled over for a DUI and taken in for drunk and disorderly conduct. When her boss got wind of the charges, he insisted she go into a treatment center for help. He paid for her legal charges and worked out a deal with the DA where she would plead guilty and spend thirty days in a sober living facility, followed by weekly visits to a therapist and AA meetings.

On the third night, Amber blocked his exit. "You're wrong," she said, her arms crossed. "I don't want to play house with you or use her to make you think you have some sort of duty to her. You don't."

"Amber, not now...," he said his voice low.

"Just shut up and listen to me. You've been there for all of this. You watched Sarah slipped deeper and deeper away. You saw Gladys and how frustrated she was, not knowing what to do about her grand-daughter. So how can you have the nerve to suggest that I'm using that little girl for anything more than the pure desire to make sure she is taken care of? I thought you knew me better than that."

"I…" Jess paused, " Because…"

"No, don't," she said opening the door gesturing for him to get out. "Just go. Don't come back unless you want to do the same for her. Maybe I asked too much, but you get what has just happened to her and I thought you would be there for her."

 _"In the wake of the tragic loss of the incredibly talented but often slated Michael Jackson. I write this piece as a tribute to the broken people who the world liked to label without taking the time to discover the person that was really inside. You can't fall into the trap of judging people on misconceptions._

On his way to Truncheon, Jess passed by a park he knew Roz loved, and just his luck, Amber's car was parked around the corner. He noticed the car seat in the middle. The backseat had turned into another storage for the little girl's toys. Amber's back was turned to them as she ran around the playground with the little girl and pulled her into a hug. He saw her purse on the bench with the leftovers of a picnic lunch and ice cream containers.

Amber was right, he did know her better. He knew all the good, and all the bad. He knew that Amber had a heart that would make it possible for this little girl to be safe, even after being deserted by her father and mother. Her mother was coming back, but it didn't mean the little girl didn't need someone thinking about her while her mother was having a personal crisis. They both looked happy, Roz would be okay without his bedtime stories. Perhaps, Amber would be okay as well. This was her thing and she would land on feet, Jess was certain of that.

He would probably always love Amber, but he wasn't in love with her. She would always be the changing point for him after Rory and would probably always hold a little bit of his heart. But she didn't get to keep it, she had stomped on it and he supposed that he had stomped on her's a little too. So maybe it was right that he walk away from everything, step back from Amber and just figure out what made him happy.

Just as he was about to turn away, Roz spotted him and waved at him. Amber followed her gaze and saw Jess. She didn't smile, just nodded at him and then ran after Roz proclaiming the last person to the swing was a rotten egg.

Perhaps stability was still a possibility, but not with this woman and he was okay with that. Life had thrown them a curve that proved they weren't supposed to be partners.

He turned and continued walking.

They would be okay.

* * *

 _For all we know maybe Michael was really just Peter Pan in gold buttons and a leather glove. You have to look beyond the hoodlum or the ringmaster or the introverted girl in the corner with her headphones and you might be surprised at what you discover. You could miss out on something magical if you don't dare to look."_

Forty-eight hours before the big party, Emily Hayden wouldn't make Truncheons Zine. Or at least that's what he'd told Matt. He wasn't able to find her.

He just didn't tell Matt the whole story. He couldn't admit to Matt or anyone that Emily Hayden wasn't just Emily Hayden, it was Rory. He'd known for awhile, he just couldn't or wouldn't admit to himself that it was Rory.

It was so obvious now. The leather jacket mentions and the musical references that would trigger a memory. He wasn't looking because he didn't know _to_ look. She knew their relationship better than her did, and remembered it all better. So now he glared at his keys, daring himself to the grab them and go to her.

He had no idea what it meant, if it meant anything. Why would she do that? Why had he not seen it before, she wasn't really trying to hide anything and Jess knew she was the sort of writer who could pull a stunt like this.

His fingers inched closer to the keys.

The memory of her rejection made him pause.

But it had never stopped him before.

He grabbed his keys and drove off into the night. If she rejected him, it wouldn't be the first time and he would get over it, like he did the last time.


End file.
